Teenage daughter arghhh

[MiddleAgedMe]

Ok, I'm sure there's nothing unusual about my teenage daughter but living with her is driving me crazy! She'll be 18 in three weeks, and I'm starting to feel that she should be more considerate about the way she treats me and our home. She works part time so she has funds, she gives us a token amount every month as a contribution and we put it straight in to a savings account so she can have a little lump sum if and when she does move out. She doesn't know this and this really isn't about money it's the fact that she's so slovenly! Here are some examples: Her room is completely disgusting, she had three mouldy cups on her bedside table the other day and I took 5 of our family towels from her bedroom floor where they were scrunched up with old food and on and under half eaten bowls of cereal, empty crisp packets, pop cans...you name it really, it was there! Because she's so revolting I refuse to do her laundry but she has access to the washing machine more or less whenever she wants to use it, despite that pretty much all her clothes are dirty on her bedroom floor all the time including her underwear, so then she creeps up to my room and steals my knickers and socks! I'm down to about three pairs of knickers now. Again. If she uses up all mine, she will actually go and pinch a pair of her younger brothers boxers. She leaves razors with their guards off in pools of water to go rusty. She takes my perfume, make up, hair accesories and hairbrushes. She finishes packets of crisps, biscuits etc and leaves the empty packet in the cupboard. She comes down in the night to make herself food and leaves everything all over the kitchen.

She's not an unpleasant person. She was this time last year, but we've turned that corner and having this job, some responsibility and some money of her own has really lifted her confidence. We're not resentful of her living here rent free, it's just these disgusting/sneaky habits that are really wearing me down now :( I've told her to buy her own razors and leave mine alone which she hasn't. I told her to buy herself some new underwear which she has, but are now all unwearable until washed. Which she was meant to do today, but she toddled off to work at 11am and didn't even look at the washing machine. Her work hours tend to be between 10/11am until 4/5pm so she has plenty of time.

It's a bit of a rant, but have you mums out there got any advice or have a similar situation? It doesn't seem to matter what approach I take she just continues to behave like a slob!

Breathe!
It gets easier once they move out and have a home of their own. In the meantime, don't sweat the small stuff and start to prioritise your health, wealth and wellbeing.
You have many years ahead of you that will be child free and financially more easy than previously. Think about YOU and what you want the future to look like. Your daughter is well on the way to independence, encourage her to find a house share, become independent and leave home. Make yourself embrace the change that is on the horizon and make plans to put yourself first probably for the very first time in your life! It doesn't just get better O/P it gets bloody brilliant once they're fully fledged.
Enjoy!

She’s 17. I think this sounds quite normal. At least she’s not taking drugs or selling her body. You are inconsiderate at that age because you don’t understand consequences. This comes with age.

My soon to be 15 year old DD is like that, but my 17 year old isn't - bit more mature. To be honest it sounds like normal shit to me, although of course its shit you have to face all the time - keep laying down the law; it'll get through in the end!

This is my two teenage daughters!

Mine was like this at that age in regard to her room, although she didn't wear my clothes and my personal possessions have always been off limits unless asked. The food, cutlery and plates behind the wardrobe, the dirt. I felt she could have benefited from psychiatric help but couldn't convince her or her school. My original sanction was to switch the internet off; this worked, but XH couldn't bear it. I then used to use total lack of service until she cleaned her room - no food, no money, no TV, no laundry, etc etc. (Usually took about 3 hours).

She was encouraged to move out and was then surprised to find that she couldn't get away with this behaviour in a house share. I subsidised her renting on her own for a while and she met landlord standards.

She's still messier than I am but having successive neat freak boyfriends has worked wonders. She's a great cook and mum but never going to be tidy.

I couldn't scroll and run...This could be my DD (except mine's 15). I took a picture of it a few weeks back because I couldn't believe there was an area in my house that looks like it should be on "How clean is your house?" or "Hoarders".

I am hoping that I wake up one day (soon) and this "phase" is all a distant memory! My DD will swipe underwear (yes, even from her brothers), socks, tops, jackets, jeans...I have given her (or let her have) her own stock of towels, because they end up with various shades of concealer, highlighter, foundation and lippy smeared all over them (and I've not yet discovered a temperature or stain remover that will bring them back to life).

I feel for you op, I have a DD who is 18 in 6wks.

She is not as untidy and slovenly as yours, but boy does she think she know everything and we know nothing.

She wants help when it suits her but when we try and suggest something she's like a madwoman. Its like she has hands over ears going la la la, dont want to listen unless its something I expect you to do for me.

Eg. She is trying to get work again after having an xmas job. Got a phone call on Sunday for an interview this week, only options (it was a case of logging onto website and selecting a time) were tomorrow. She is at college all day but selected a time at end of day (interview location is 5 mins drive from college.) She is not driving yet (a whole other thread, passed theory at 5th attempt, again wouldn't listen to any advice on passing hazards) but her friend is and can take her.

She then got stressed as the friend had her car in for MOT today. Stated that I will be taking her if friends car fails MOT (Like hell I will. I can work at home if necessary but am sick of being expected to run her around whilst being treated like a piece of dog dirt).

Car passed MOT thank goodness. So tonight I ask if she has done any prep for interview, what questions she might want to ask, why does she want a job there, basic stuff. Screaming like a banshee she is. You are stressing me out. I dont want to talk about it. Leave me alone.

Same happened when she was looking for work in autumn. Her brother actually wrote out questions she would be asked and should ask, at the retailer he had worked at twice. Did she read them, did she ask any of them. NOPE. And obviously didn't get the job.

FFS. She has to take her passport tomorrow, she wont remember it, has a brain like a sieve, therefore she is unlikely to even be interviewed, as there is not a cat in hells chance I will remind her now. I had actually got the wallet that holds passports etc out of cupboard but I have put it back. See if she can remember.

I cannot wait for her to move out. Day after 18th if possible. But of course that needs her to have a job, which she is unlikely to get with her attitude. Unfortunately DH thinks she can do no wrong, even when she is wailing like a madwoman. Its all my fault for daring to ask her about interview prep and of course she will walk it with no preparation 😧

Sympathy Op, much sympathy. I hope it gets better for both of us soon.

I have a son who is 17 in a few weeks and he is much the same as your daughter in that he is totally selfish and a lazy, untidy slob. My partner treats him like a little prince and wants me to 'support him'. By far the best way to support him, in my opinion, is to help him learn about life.

I have made rules about not eating in his bedroom and now when I find a packet of breakfast cereal in his room I simply tip it all over his bed and the floor, having warned him that this will be the consequence. I have decided that I will do nothing for him until he rejoins the human race.

Yes, it causes friction between my partner and me, but I am much happier that I now treat him as he deserves. Sadly, the longer you let your daughter get away with stealing underwear and living like a tramp, then the longer it will go on. She needs to appreciate that her life choices have consequences. Set down new rules and what will happen when/if she breaks them, and then stick to the regime.