Hi everyone, it would be great to find someone here to talk to.
I am married for 15 years with 3 kids. We had loads of ups and downs over the years but just lately i got to the poit of exhaustion. My GP offered me antidepressants, but i think I need to talk it out. I am an introvert and just a thought of talking to someone face to face puts me off.
When we got togther we lived in Bristol and it was lovely. After 5 years we wanted to buy a house but could afford one so we moved to the Bohemia where I come from. We got a house in need of a complete renovation and stayed there for 10 years. My DH worked on the house, I was having the kids and worked full time - that means a job and also a big garden and a house. People were lookingat us in a funny way, that my DH was at home and I did it all. I guess deep inside I agreed but out loud I stood on his side. But I lost my job and couldnt get a new one.
My DH suggested we could return to the UK and he could get a job. He used to be a nurse so looked as a good idea. He went ahaed to stay with the family and look for a place and a job while I was looking after the kids and tried to sell the house. That happened eventually, but we didnt get a lot of money when we got it to the UK. My DH spent all our saving while her and also borrowed some money of a relative. We payed all that back after the sale.
So now we live near Newcastle - my DH homeland and I am extremelly unhappy. We rent a place above the shop with no garden - great place for our kids...I cant get a job where we are. I tried over 100 jobs and no luck. It is not easy to get something when you have 3 kids to look after and no relative to help. My DH started a return to nursing course - a hope of a good income and possibility of getting a mortgage. But the bubble burst before Christmas. He decided it is too stressful and quit. He just started a seasonal work with the councel that will keep us going for a bit. But our savings are getting smaller and smaller and we cant get a mortgage.
i keep looking for a small house within our budget but there are not many for 80K. Everytime I find something it is not good enought for him - too small, not nice...He is into his antiques and the other day he is pleased we didnt get a house because he can buy some things for future profit. He just buys rubbish and makes me feel even worse because he is wasting the money.
I am doing all this for the kids. they like it here and got settled at schools well. but I spend most of my days crying. I am in such a low mood I cant see the way out.
So here I am - no friend, no house, no job. DH barely talks to me, he likes to close his eyes from the obvious and I get on his nerves when I cry. I still try to please everyone. We have sex when I dont feel like it at all. I have quite a bit af dicomfort since January and had some testsdone. They found out I have a cyst and just have to wait for it to go. This makes the sex even worse and I told him that many times. But he doesnt seem to care, still wants it as much as ever. He is very loving and caring but doesnt seem to understand me at all.
I am not sure if I still love him . Few times I thought about leaving him . I know it would be the best for me but not for the kids. So I just try to lock it all in amd keep everyone happy. But why should I be unhappy?
I only need a small house and a job to take my mind of things. That way he can do what he likes and I wont be jealous of that.
I quess there isnt much anyon can say about this but thanks for listening to me.