From my altered user name...
I'm the second wife. Reasonably newly married but older couple late 50's. My DH left two very young children from a non married relationship to be with his first wife, (they have one adult child together) many, many years ago. His second child with partner was just months old. He has a complicated back story which he isn't proud off. He has children with whom he doesn't have a close relationship which he has always regretted.
He's not a great communicator but he is a lovely man. Standing in the community and well loved and respected by many.
His first wife had numerous affairs which he ignored as he wanted to ensure that his last child had a good relationship with him as he felt he'd failed the others. The marriage ended badly after 18 years and he lost everything. His friends have no positive words to say about his ex wife. I have met her a handful of times and I have no positive words either. She told me he would never love me the way he loved her.
Fast forward, we're married a year and I have started to question my importance to him. I know he loves me and he treats me well. But I told him from the outset I wasn't anyone's second choice.
We're at an age where we both have pasts and baggage.
Last night, I asked him when he'd stopped loving his ex wife. He stumbled over the answer. I thought it was long ago given her affairs but he eventually said it was probably the last and final one. He then got defensive and refused to discuss further.
Am I suffering second wife syndrome or could he still have his feelings for her? For context, they were divorced 3 years before he and I started a relationship.
I hate feeling like this but this is my last relationship and I want it to be my most important one.