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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this normal male behaviour ?

17 replies

Kittykatxxo · 17/04/2018 00:56

Was seeing a guy for about a month crazy chemistry and everything was so good then I brought up a real relationship he went abit weird and stopped seeing me and contacting me I called him out on it and we had an argument where he said things like he just didn't feel the same about me and there was no spark or connection so I just completely ghosted him and went on enjoying my life lastnight he sent me a text saying I've been going through a lot of shit lately that you don't know about and the way you came on strong about a relationship it made me scared so my reaction was to push you away I don't know why I do it but I always do when I'm under pressure and someone puts more on me so I didn't reply for a while I spent the whole day enjoying myself and thinking of what to say to be mature and understanding so I replied I never ever meant to add pressure to you we was only seeing eachother for a month but I understand it was never about the commitment for me all I ever wanted was your time now and again and that is all I would ever ask you for let's leave it in the past now though we don't have to ever speak about this again it's understood but with that being said what do we do now do we start again or cut our losses. He rang me a while later and told me he's been drinking a lot lately and basically his work is causing him stress (just started a new business / allready has a business aswell) and now two of his closest mates have been murdered which I had recently learnt just before this conversation so we spoke casually and then I said so did you read my message and he said yes so I said what do you want to do then and he said... obviously my heads not in the right place at the moment I've so much to process and I need to really sort my shit out when I'm with you my minds always on you and I need this time I'm just asking you to be patient and let me get my life back on track. Is this normal for a man to put of a relationship for these reasons? Should I give him the space to come back?

OP posts:
heartyrebel · 17/04/2018 01:00

Sounds like you are better off without him. He's not in a good space for a relationships.

MyKingdomForBrie · 17/04/2018 01:02

It sounds like he doesn’t want a relationship or to commit. Yes he has a hell of a lot going on but I’m not sure it’s the reason he backed off. I’d personally be staying well away.

I don’t think you can assign behaviour patterns in relation to sex by the way.

AssassinatedBeauty · 17/04/2018 01:06

It doesn't sound unreasonable behaviour for someone (of either sex) in those circumstances. Given all of his complications and particularly the heavy drinking, I would steer clear. You've only been seeing him for a month, to ask you to wait indefinitely for him to decide he's up for a relationship is unfair.

MistressDeeCee · 17/04/2018 01:11

Why would you ask if this is "normal" male behaviour when you are well aware that not all men are the same, just as all women are not the same?

Your man there has fickle future-faker written all over him, doesn't mean that all men act like he does

Monty27 · 17/04/2018 01:13

Dump him

snowbear66 · 17/04/2018 01:23

Sounds like you put a bit of pressure on him and he backed off.
Now he's asking for even less contact and you are not told how long for.
I would think he's not interested in a committed relationship.

thewooster · 17/04/2018 09:53

I agree with DeeCee, a fickle future-faker of the first order. Avoid or forever be messed around.

twattymctwatterson · 17/04/2018 10:04

Drop him. A new relationship shouldn't be hard.

Huskylover1 · 17/04/2018 10:04

Leave well alone.

He's starting a new business (not sure I believe that).

He drinks too much.

He can't handle pressure.

He sounds emotionally stunted.

His 2 mates have been murdered?? WTAF? Is this drugs related? Gang related? I'd run a bloody mile.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/04/2018 10:28

Run for the fucking hills and don't look back. This guy is a field full of red flags. "Under pressure", "drinking a lot"... He's a train wreck, I guarantee it.

Cricrichan · 17/04/2018 10:34

Two friends were murdered? It sounds like he mixes with dangerous people. I'd steer clear.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/04/2018 10:35

Should I give him the space to come back?

I think you should draw a line under it and move on. Sounds like he's good loads of shit going on, finds it hard to cope with pressure and he has told you he is not in the right space for a relationship at the moment.

Sorry, but get back out there and have fun with someone else.

Onemansoapopera · 17/04/2018 10:55

Sounds like he's having an absolute nightmare time and I can completely understand why he wouldn't want to throw a relationship into the mix, poor guy.

meowimacat · 17/04/2018 12:42

AVOID!
Just carry on with your life as you were doing. He's probably lonely and bored and thought he'd hit you up to see if he could still get you back. When you responded he basically knew he could so then backtracked on saying he wasn't sure what he wanted blah blah blah.

I recently ghosted a guy I'd been dating for 5 months who was a future faker. Told me he couldn't commit but 'who knows' and 'maybe in time' he could. But also that he was 'too busy' for a relationship...
It messed with my head for months. Best thing I ever did cutting ties completely.

He also sounds like he has a lot of issues and needs to be on his own.

SleepFreeZone · 17/04/2018 12:46

I’ve played this nonsense game with a few guys in the past, honestly just quit now and concentrate on other things. He will never be the person you want him to be. Once a flake, always a flake.

SleepFreeZone · 17/04/2018 12:47

Also this is usually a very handy way for them to get you to agree to a fuck buddy arrangenent. So be cautious.

PrettyLittIeThing · 17/04/2018 12:54

He's definitely one to avoid i'd say!

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