Do I have to *&cking titillate????

[UniqueSiren]

Since having DC, I have a very low sex drive. Extremely low. This is especially noticeable because before DC it was extremely high.

Anyway. This: I feel bad for DH because I NEVER want to have sex and it makes me really pissed off when he says sexual things to me.

I do have sex with him but I can't get into it and it basically puts me right off. He's also a dick but he always was, and I use to like sleeping with him so it's my problem.

helpful, thanks.

I agree with sadie - not sure what you want of us?

You've maybe been willing to put up with his bad side before kids but now you're getting emotional happiness from them and so are less attracted to him overall?

OP - you can try to post in the Sex section - people may be more responsive.

But - for what it’s worth. It happens with children. Especially if yours is still a baby. Or a physically demanding toddler.
It may improve with time.

Also - i’d check your hormones to rule out any actual physical problems.

Good luck.

Are you missing your own sex drive then or are more annoyed at your relationship?

Has how you feel about him in other ways changed? Are you doing the majority of the work with dcs?

I don’t blame you. If you were very highly sexed before you probably overlooked his dickishness. Now it’s more obvious.

I’d say it’s pretty normal too. I preferred going solo when DC was small - sorry if that’s not very helpful advice

You overlooked his dickishness because you fancied him. Now you don’t fancy him, the relationship might not have much going for it.

How old is your youngest child?

Are you still breastfeeding? Or on hormonal contraception? Or just very tired from looking after the DCs?
Plenty of underlying reasons for going off sex here. Maybe if you suggest he takes the DC out for the day so you can relax/have a bath/go to the gym you will be more in the mood? If not you have a lovely child free day 😂

I wouldn't want to have sex with a bloke that acted like a dick either

Becoming a parent often crystallises these things..the nondick partner gets their eyes opened and the dick just gets worse.

You've gone off sex, and sex was all there was.

I don't see this relationship working op, life sends you sex droughts at different times.

If he's a dick that would probably explain why you don't fancy him anymore

What do you mean by "do I have to titillate?" You mean do you have to sexually arouse your partner with your actions or words? I don't understand. You don't have to do anything sexually that you don't want to.

I think you need to decide what you want though. If you don't love or even like dh then split up. I don't think it's fair on him to insist on a sexless marriage and it will destroy you mentally if you keep forcing yourself to have sex with him.

Your other option is counselling?
Is it just your dh you don't want sex with or do you not find anything arousing anymore? You need to find out if there's a physical cause ( hormone imbalance, traumatic labour or something) or an emotional cause ( you can't connect with dh, don't love him) or is it that you are depressed or suffering with low esteem/body image after childbirth?

I too feel the kernel of this is him being a dick.

Being with a dick before you have kids = you live your own life, ignore them when you need to, do your own thing, have your own reasons for being with them but basically it can very easily translate as 'no skin off my nose'. Still not a great idea, mind. Who'd want to choose to spend their life with a dick, when non-dicks are out there?

Being with a dick after you have kids = a living hell. Because your life changes beyond recognition, and the dick's life generally doesn't. You get the sleepless nights, the responsibility, the juggling, and when you really need to be a team, the dick is nowhere to be seen. Or there but being useless or pontificating about shit they'd do, or blaming you for not being on top of things, or whatever - because they're a dick. And bingo! you realise that long term relationships can never really work with a dick, and you begin to hate and resent them and realise you could and should have chosen better.

And you stop being able to have sex with them, because you want to have sex with someone who is a friend and is on your team, not just someone who's ok to shag.