Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

anyone else love their husband 'more' when dc are away with grandparents

21 replies

yoyoma · 12/05/2007 18:36

Or staying with any relative etc With the 3 of us we bicker and get stressed a lot. But this weekend ds is staying at the gps for a night. Its wonderful im listening to music, relaxing, planning our night out. Ok i love ds and v glad he's here! but does anyone else get on a million times with dh better when its just the two of you. i mean right now i just really love him!! aah cheese!!
Trying to decide whether to have another lo and this just seems to make me more afraid that with another our marriage will get too strained.. any thoughts from the much more experienced mums of more than 1 appreciated too.

OP posts:
elsieanjoanne · 12/05/2007 18:53

I know exactly what you mean I love my dp all the time but we bicker a lot less when dd is with my mom as we have each others undivided attention we ttc at mo at that puts more strain on things than anythin even though its what we both want! we have 1 dd who is one soon! would love more dc

harrisey · 12/05/2007 20:27

oooooh yes

Dh and I are already planning our 'dirty weekend' for next weekwnd when all 3 dc's are at my folks

HOOOOOORAY for lovely grandparents

Carmenere · 12/05/2007 20:29

I was seriously considering leaving dp until I spent 24 hours with him alone last weekend. I had a lovely time and it reminded me why I was with him and gave me hope for the future.

yoyoma · 13/05/2007 09:46

Carmenere i know im the same... about the hope for the future i mean

OP posts:
FloatingOnTheMed · 13/05/2007 09:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WideWebWitch · 13/05/2007 10:00

I think it can be easy to get caught up in the drudgery and work involved with having children, working, shopping, cooking etc and to end up not having much time for each other.

We go away together when we can and it's wonderful. We don't bicker and get stressed much really even when our 2 children are here mainly because we have more or less sorted out domestic/children responsibility and share it fairly evenly I'd say. So although I do loo rolls, dh does bins and collects both children every evening. What are you bickering about? Is it chores and childcare?

Having 2 can be harder but for us, it was just the first 1.5 years that was harder than having 1 and then only because dd didn't sleep. So lack of sleep (adn we shared it, dh got up every other night so we both got a good nights sleep every other night) made that first bit v tough. Other than that I love having 2.

It helps having some money to throw at the problem of not having time together, Sitters babysitting agency is excellent and we've used them quite a bit so we can go out to dinner together. I also have a brilliant ex mil who will have both of them so that helps and means we can get away to a hotel for a couple of nights. You can get bargain hotel rooms here, at Laterooms

I think other things that help us are having a cleaner (so we don't argue often about chores/housework), shopping online, paying bills by direct debit so it's no-one's responsibility to pay them, having good childcare while we work and a good routine about who drops and collects children (I drop ds, dh drops dd, and then he collects both in the evenign as I work later than him) and making sure that we make time to talk to each other. Sometimes we come in from work and go straight to our room for a chat. So I don't think 2 children has to strain a marriage any more than 1 and there are things you can do to make life easier. HTH.

Pinkcherub · 13/05/2007 11:14

I think it is a common situation for us all.

Kids really put a strain on a marriage, when i was pregnant someone told me it would but i never believed them.

It is true though and i think we all get romantic ideas about having the baby of the man you love.

My DD is 3 now and i worship the ground she walks on, but i won't be having any more.

yoyoma · 13/05/2007 12:57

Hi thanks for replies. Well right now we're getting on really well, just hanging out really enjoying eachothers company (hopefully not too ironic since i am writing on here . But yeah the radio is on its lovely. I look at dh and think hes lovely.
So Im trying to think what it is that we bicker aboutl? tis a good question www.
Dh is good with helping in most ways, and i do most of the housework i dont mind that tooo much (ds follows me with his baby hoover its cute).

Maybe the stress is money related, id think throwing money at family life does make it loads more unstressful. not yet making the move to the burbs or the country means we have a lovely flat in the city but not huge, and no car - these things add up right?
the thing i find most difficult is that i do see dh in a different light when we're behaving as a family. I remember someone saying to me that having a child should make you stronger as a couple, but it can also blow you apart too? We're keeping a lid on it, but trying to consider whether its something that will settle down - into a proper family if we have more. i really hope so...

OP posts:
anniebear · 13/05/2007 15:07

lol, YES!! i LOVE MY hUSBAND ONCE A YEAR WHEN mY mUM HAS THE GIRLS FOR THE NIGHT

THE OTHER 364 DAYS OF THE YEAR HE ANNOYS ME!!! LOL LOL

anniebear · 13/05/2007 15:08

Oops sorry for caps

twinsetandpearls · 13/05/2007 15:10

God yes. One of the advantages of being divorced is that you have a free babysitter.

talcygoneorange · 13/05/2007 15:10

Yes!
I thought it was just me!

unknownrebelbang · 13/05/2007 15:15

ooh, I can't wait until the end of the month when all three boys are on camp at the same time!

It's virtually unheard of, all three being away together. As luck would have it DH is off that weekend too, but i would have asked, nay demanded that he booked the weekend off.

Everything's fine, but homelife is suffering a bit at the moment because DH is working even longer hours than usual, and the boys have so many commitments, time just disappears.

Need to go to laterooms to see what's on offer for the Saturday night.

yoyoma · 13/05/2007 16:50

anniebear lol! i love that your annoyed 364 days a year haha

me too sort of

OP posts:
twelveyeargap · 13/05/2007 17:15

I'm with you. Kids can add stress to a relationship, simply becuase you don't make time for yourselves.

WRT having another LO; I was seeing a counsellor a while back and she was telling me about "triangular" relationships being the hardest. That includes two parents and one child, or a parent, stepparent and one child or a single parent and two children.

It made a lot of sense to me, so you don't necessarily need to worry about another child just making life more stressful. In fact, once the second child is a bit older, it can take some of the stress out of the relationship.

HTH.

yoyoma · 13/05/2007 18:07

twelveyeargap. i think that sounds really spot on. I think it is the triangular nature of the relationships. dh with ds is fab, me with ds is fab. But all 3 of us and it just seems like there is more friction.
I was hoping that another lo would mean two children play together more. The few times friends have left their los here to play with ds it actually has been loads easier - they entertain eachother and i love it!.

OP posts:
toomuchtodo · 13/05/2007 18:08

this breaks my heart

we have no granparents or anyone else able to take our two for a night together

its been this way for 9 years

twelveyeargap · 13/05/2007 18:18

toomuchtodo. How old are your kids now? Are they almost old enough to start staying over with friends? It's not beyond the realms of possibility to arrange to have them staying with different friends on the same night. You might have to make hte first move though, inviting other kids over.

Plus, I find when DD (11) has kids staying over, that they closet themselves in her room and it's like they're not here at all.

Yoyoma - even if it ended up that your additional children didn't really play together, it just means that there isn't that push-pull effect of someone being "left out" when the three of you are together. It was a real eye opener for me when the counsellor explained it to me. It's something that's hard to put your finger on when it's happening.

toomuchtodo · 13/05/2007 20:39

they are 6 and 9

the oldest has sleepovers but the youngest hasn't, he doesn't sleep too well and I wouldn't inflict him on anyone!!

also my house is tiny and its a nightmare having anyone here for a sleepover, there just isn't room

its crap

twelveyeargap · 13/05/2007 20:42

Doh. Hopefully your younger one will settle down over the next year or so and you'll be able to farm them out now and again.

toomuchtodo · 13/05/2007 20:44

yep!

fingers crossed!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread