How to explain an absent Father to DS?

[strongerthan]

Not sure if this the right place but I would welcome any advice.

DS starts school in Sep.

His biological father has been absent since I became pregnant, we have managed perfectly fine on our own & I am honestly happy as a lone parent, we have a loving, caring and structured home life. We have plenty of friends, mostly a "normal" family set up, apart from one gay couple.

He recently asked who is daddy was for the first time, I changed the subject, BUT I need to address this before he starts school.

I want to tell the truth in an age appropriate way.

Any pointers please? Is there a book?

Thank you

Don't think there would be anything book wise that would answer his questions about himself. Can't you just answer in an age appropriate way? E.g. your dad is called Jim, but we decided we can't be your mum and dad like some other kids have, so I am super lucky that I get to have you all to myself. Jim is tall and has brown hair and likes bikes. I don't know where Jim is, but when you are grown up you may want to find that out yourself.
A bit of information at that age is usually enough and if anyone asks him he then has something he can respond with.

Blimey that's the perfect response. I am so appreciative, thank you. I've obviously over thought it!

I agree with the previous poster. Just tell the truth. My kids dad is absent and I just tell them the truth. I've said that he doesn't want to see them which is true. Not going to pretend or build him up in their heads. You don't have to say that Ofcourse just explain the best you can.

Yes, that’s a good response, just some age appropriate facts that you can build on with more information as your child gets older and wanting more specific responses.

Agree with above posters, tell the truth in an age appropriate way. I'd try and be as matter of fact about it as possible. And try and make sure you're not talking about it from a position of lacking something, if you see what I mean? Frame it as positively as possible.

There are books about different types of families that might be worth reading with him? Just to help him see that not all families are heterosexual couples with 2.4 children.

I'm in a similar position, but my child is donor-conceived. We have a children's book about donor conception that I started reading to him when he was just a baby and he still chooses it sometimes at bedtime. Also books about how families can be all kinds of different shapes and sizes, e.g. The Great Big Book of Families. Also, I've made sure that lots of our story books are about only children with one parent. So the books we read normalise our family make-up rather than make us seem different to the norm.

My DS started school in September and I'm not aware of him facing any issues around this (yet?). I've heard him talking to friends of mine about not having a Daddy but having a donor. We tend to focus on who he does have when we talk about it together...no, you don't have a Daddy, but you do have Grandma, and Uncle Ben, and Aunty Jenny, etc. etc. which I've also heard him saying to other people. So hopefully he feels confident enough saying those things now so that he doesn't feel thrown if someone at school does ask him about his Dad.

I reckon your son will be fine. We overthink things as adults, kids are much more accepting!