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Relationships

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Original poster

Fwb wants more

18 replies

Maddogs · 15/04/2018 19:08

Hi, I’m in a bit of a pickle. I’m recently out of a long term relationship. I’m not actively looking to date but started a fwb situation with someone I’ve known for 2 years.

He has a job, is a single dad, and I have a lot of respect for him. The sex is great, he is funny, I’m very comfortable with him. He doesn’t drink and is fab dad. I’m a single mum and he understands that.

I thought that we were on the same page. However today he has told me that he is developing feelings for me. I just don’t know if I’m ready for anything serious. I don’t know what to do!

Advice anyone?

OP posts:

SoapOnARoap · 15/04/2018 19:17

End it, he’s crossing a line. Unless you are prepared for a relationship it’s not going to end well with that dynamic

BitchQueen90 · 15/04/2018 19:20

If he is starting to have feelings for you and you don't want a relationship then the kindest thing to do would be to end it. To keep seeing him knowing he is hoping for more from you would be cruel. It's a shame but unfortunately FWB can sometimes get complicated.

Original poster

Maddogs · 15/04/2018 19:34

I don’t know what I want. I wasn’t actively looking but I really like him. Why did I manage to pick a guy who fell for me? Damn it I just don’t feel ready.

OP posts:

MissYeti · 15/04/2018 19:37

Why don't you see how things go but strictly on your terms? If he wants to be with you then surely he'd be willing to take things as slow as you're comfortable with?

StylishMummy · 15/04/2018 19:55

Why not take things very very slowly and see where things end up?

Hellywelly10 · 15/04/2018 19:58

Dont see him for a couple of weeks or a month. Then see how you feel.

Springtrolls · 15/04/2018 19:59

You have to work out what you want.
If you don't want him then it's not fair for anyone to take things slow to see what happens.

Branleuse · 15/04/2018 20:31

Tell him you dont feel ready for anything serious, and consider ending the arrangement

PrettyLittIeThing · 15/04/2018 20:48

I agree don't take things slow or see how it goes. If this was a
Man posting this no one would suggest that. They would be saying it's unfair to string the woman along so I'm not sure why this would be different. End things.

PoorYorick · 15/04/2018 21:12

I know there must be some FWB situations where this doesn't happen. I've seen several MNers who say they've had one. I've just never seen one myself, personally. Not in my own, not in any of the ones I've known.

I guess you have to decide. You could try taking it very slowly, or if you're sure you don't want anything more, you need to let him go or he'll just end up hurt and missing other opportunities.

I know it's not very rock and roll to say it, but in my experience humans are not very good at separating sex and love. I've got quite a bit of experience of kink communities and it's the same there. More so even, since they're dealing with more intense experiences.

meowimacat · 15/04/2018 21:14

I'm currently being strung along by a FWB who I thought wanted more but turns out he doesn't. I do, so it's very hard and it isn't very nice that he knows I have feelings yet continues to pursue me. Part of me wishes he would just walk away and leave me alone, as I'm the one with the feelings. I've tried walking away but he always wins me back over.

I wouldn't 'take things slow' and 'see how you feel.'

Clearly you aren't ready for something serious. Be upfront and tell him that you will most likely never want anything more with him. Leave him to make his decision on what he plans to do. Be as honest as you can. If he chooses to stay fine, that is his choice knowing full well what is going on.
What I will say is it's highly unlikely things will end on good terms if you continue this with someone who has feelings. Even if he goes along with things, every time he spends with you in the back of his mind he will be hoping for more - just remember that. :( Whilst it's comfortable and ideal for you to continue things, you are most likely going to break his heart.

MistressDeeCee · 15/04/2018 21:45

End it. What's the point of keeping him around "just in case" you change your mind? If you were that into him you'd know. You're both grown, aren't you? If you've not got deeper feelings for him then let him go.

Original poster

Maddogs · 15/04/2018 22:11

But that’s the thing I’m struggling with. I really like him. But the timing is crap. Do I take a risk and see if it works out or do I end it on friendly terms and risk not clicking with someone so easily? If I had been single a year or longer it would be a no brainer. But I haven’t and I don’t just want to bounce into another relationship without giving it a lot of thought.

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 15/04/2018 22:50

Tell him you aren't interested. You cant keep him hanging around for a year. I would suggest that the problem might resolve itself by him seeing other people more, or having less contact (once every month or something) - but those ideas have to come from him really rather than you as you sort of hold the power in the dynamic. If he says he still wants to see you, even though he understands you dont want a relationship, then I would insist on less contact as a minimum so that you know you are giving him the opportunity to find what he needs elsewhere. If he doesnt find it and you change your mind (for sure) in however many months time, then maybe he will still be interested

daisychain01 · 16/04/2018 06:45

It sounds like you've put some imaginary boundary called "I'm not ready yet" (emphasis on yet) which is muddying the waters.

Take that boundary away and decide whether, if your emotional readiness were there, would you want to be with this guy, is he someone you could see yourself in a relationship with, could you introduce him to your family and friends, could you live together?

If you have the potential to all or most of the above, then carry on as you are and see how it goes. If not, don't carry on with a half way house just in case. He's now shifted the goal posts and the FWB part has changed to something else.

Could it be that the reason you're not ready is actually because you don't see a future together, and that's difficult to admit to yourself. Either way, don't put your life on hold.

daisychain01 · 16/04/2018 06:50

Do I take a risk and see if it works out or do I end it on friendly terms and risk not clicking with someone so easily?

This sounds like you're making your relationship decisions based on the wrong motive - you don't want to risk not finding someone else, so you'd rather settle for someone than have no one.

LellyMcKelly · 16/04/2018 07:07

Let’s see. You really like him, the sex is great, he’s a great dad, you enjoy his company, you respect him, and he understands you. Grab this man and don’t let him go - he sounds terrific! If the only thing putting you off is the timing don’t worry about it. Sometimes the best things in life come along when you’re not looking. The only real issue is whether you feel ready. If you don’t then don’t force it. Why not try going on a few dates and see how it goes? You might find it works really well, or it might cement your view that you’re not ready.

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 16/04/2018 16:46

I agree with Lelly. Ok, this wasn't what you were looking for but don't cut your nose off to spite your face! Tell him you don't feel the same atm but you really like him and are prepared to take it very slowly and see where it goes? Life doesn't happen to order. Go with the flow!

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