Heads all over the place- want to leave

[aliceinwonderlandbrum]

Have tried to namechange but not sure whether ive had success, have been wanting to post for weeks so here goes...

Where to start, will try not to drip feed but ill start by saying im not sure whether the relationship i have with my partner and the father to my 2 young children (1 & 4) is emotionally abusive or whether its just really shit and its both our faults.

Either way one thing i know for sure is im definately not happy, i feel bored, unappreciated, irritated and frustrated most of the time.

I have history of depression and am on ADs. I believe OH has MH problems he suffers from anxiety and paranoid tendencies and is generaĺly a grumpy shit. But has never sought any help even though ive begged him to.

He suffers from low self esteem and uses that to never make an effort with my family even though i practicaly fall over myself to make efforts for his.

He works in a close friends business and has taken to having random days or weeks off due to him feeling shit and he doesnt contact them to let them know its just a piss take!

We are in financial difficulty because he seems to just want to go in to work as and when (i dont work at the moment he has encouraged me to stay at home with the younger child- they have a complex health issue which i also get carers allowance for but even when ive expressed how much id like to get out to do some part time work he has been uninterested, now where near encouraging)

Im sorry im rambling!

I guess i have come to realise he is not a good influence on me.
Hes a mediocre dad makes minimum effort with everything, me, kids, the house, my family, his family.

I organise everything. He sits up playing games till 1-2 in the morning then complains he is too tiredto do anything more than put a game on for our older child in the day time and falls asleep on the sofa. If i ask if hed like to come on a walk he moans and expresses disinterest.

I feel like im beginning to despise him...

Help me order my thoughts and think of what a sensible action plan is please guys.. ive tried changing him, i offer helpful advice in regards to the kids or stuff around the house but he will just ignore me or tell me im nagging which results in an argument.

I then just attempt to ignore him because he hasnt responded to my requests to try harder with my family, stop putting our child on video games all of the time and sit and actually talk to him please, pick up your fucking dirty clothes and put them in the basket and then he asks me whats wrong i completely loose it at him tell him i cant live with him like this anymore because im loosing respect for him and generally just dont like him (feel awful saying that) he then either crys and tells me he cant be without me and please lets try again and stupid cow that i am will fall for it or he has even acted nonchalant and said ok if thats what you wsnt i cant stop you which is infuriating and usually ends with me crying and of course back together again

I must seem like a right twat, i read other ladies experiences of leaving truly awful relationships with dv and emotional abuse and i think about me and mine and feel ashamed that i havent been strong enough to change something yet

So sorry for no paragraphs btw mumsnetters im on a mobile.

Oh and another thing i cant end things just yet we have a holiday booked for a few weeks time, ive already decided to wait until we are back. I dont want to deprive the kids of a holiday with their dad? I know ridiculous but ive organised it and i dont know if he would organise a holiday. Hes never even organised a day out with our children.

Leave, you already know you are in a shit relationship. He's not going to change and probably thinks you'll never leave him.

You can make the choice to change things whenever you want to, I suspect your only regret when you do is that you didn't do it sooner.

He's not engaged with the children anyway so you'd not be depriving them of anything. Take them on holiday alone.

Just end this shit relationship already. Every day you spend in this hell is another day wasted that you'll never get back. Once the dust has settled you will be so much happier.

daisydoo thanks for replying, i suspect know you're right. I find my main obstacle is sticking with it. As ive done it before and faltered at the final hurdle.

Ive started making a list of bad points to refer to when hes being particularly nice or pathetic (as advised to another lady who was in a controlling relationship).

My other concern is he has no savings and really no where else to stay other than maybe on a family members sofa. Until he saves up enough money for a deposit on a small flat. Also he is of the type to throw all good opportunities away if i leave him- most likely loose his job with barely any prospects of having a job elsewhere, sleep on sofas and just let his life fall apart.

I worry about what the children will think or how i can make it so it has as little negative impact on them as possible. I know maybe im asking too much?

Thanks Aquamarine and daisy doo i could do that infact it seems daunting and just a tad liberating. Should be the other way around.. very liberating and just a little daunting.

I wish i could magically summon up some strength. I read other ladies stories of leaving awful relationships and really try to bolster myself up and i think deep down i can do it im just a bit scared. Need to take the plunge.

I dont even know how to start. Hes asleep on the sofa. Do i just go wake him up and tell him he needs to go because of this this and this or just pack him and bag and ask him to leave without offering reasons