So 4yrs ago my ex and I separated. Well I say that, he left me. We argued over money/my PND/his drinking/drugs.
In those 4yrs we’ve done the bitterness and the anger and only talking through a lawyer. A year after he left he told me he’d met someone. I took it HARD. It was worse when I found out she wasn’t new. He’d been with her since before he left me.
For my own sanity I cut him off. We made a custody agreement through the lawyers and never spoke again unless it was for one of us to sit on our high horse.
A year and a half ago I couldn’t do it anymore. I called a truce to all the anger. Since then we’ve come leaps and bounds. We communicate really well. We finally found the same page on the same book. He’s still with this woman and we’re polite and kind to each other. I acknowledge birthdays for not only her but her kids. Even go as far as to buy her a thank you gift on mother’s day because my daughter does really like her and she is good to her.
Here’s my problem.... I think I’m still in love with him. I don’t even know why. I still have to hide my tears from my daughter because I don’t want her to know how much it hurts me when she tells me what a great time she has with them. I find myself being overly accommodating and flirty and always make sure my hair and make up is done for handovers. It’s pathetic because I know I’m doing it in a hope that he’ll remember who I was all those years ago when we first met. I want him back.
I need someone to just tell me what to do because all options just now make me so unhappy and sad.