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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need some perspective

16 replies

Mickyj · 15/04/2018 12:16

I have a very long term illness that began with my first pregnancy. I’m going to summerise as it would take me all day to tell the whole story. In all that time I have been an undiagnosed anomaly. I am a challenge because it is very up and down for me but to put things into perspective I can go a couple of weeks being like superwoman and then be plagued for weeks with multiple seizures a day and general ill health. Nobody knows why.

Anyways I had my meds changed and I was supposed to be going back home this weekend to see old friends. However on Friday I began having heart palpitations and shortness of breath and hallucinations. I had to go to hospital but after scanning me they found nothing. We forgot to cancel our father in law coming over to look after the dog so my bloke said he was still going home because he had tickets to the football. I must admit I felt pretty miffed but decided that perhaps a break from me would do him good ,so he went. My father in law had to leave me this morning as he had work.. my heart is all over the place and my arms are still numb. So I rang bloke to see when he is coming back. He tells me that he has made social plans and won’t be home till late- I’ll be alright I always am. He asked me if I can make food and I said no, I can’t even stand up. I told him I had a packet of buiscuits by the bed. I ended up hanging up on him because I felt upset.

He has supported me through years of bad health. Always been there for me. I know sometimes people deserve a break but these are new symptoms and I’d just been in hospital. I can’t stay conscious and my arms are numb and I keep hallucinating. Am I being unreasonable in my slight anger? I think most people would have left me by now but I just feel perhaps he has had enough. My hands keep going numb so I’ve had to write this very slowly.

OP posts:
Feckers2018 · 15/04/2018 12:51

It does sound to me like you have mental health problems which can affect you phyisically.......but then what do I know I'm not a doctor just speaking through life experience.
These massive ups and downs sound like someone I know who is bi polar. Why don't you get this checked out?
If you are normal for weeks at a time and then become ill because your partner is going away I would suggest this has caused you anxiety. He would wonder why now? And feel like you were being controlling and using your anxiety to keep him at home.
So .....try to get well for your own sake.

Mickyj · 15/04/2018 12:56

I was supposed to be going also. I had plans with friends and things I wanted to do. So it was nothing to do with him going away.

I have been assessed and apparently bipolar isn’t something they think that I have.

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LimonViola · 15/04/2018 12:57

I think that it's fine for your partner to want to go and take some time to relax away from the situation, yes you went to hospital but the outcome was that they found nothing was wrong and you weren't in any danger hence being sent home. So he has no reason to worry harm will come to you at home.

Did the hospital say anything about what they thought might have been causing those symptoms? It sounds a lot like anxiety/panic. I don't blame him for being miffed for being hung up on, I know emotions are running high but it's rude and seems controlling: you ring to ask when he's coming home, his answer is later than you'd prefer so you hang up on him.

I'm sorry you're feeling unwell but I think you need to stop placing responsibility on your partner to care for you when you can be left alone and cope and he needs his own time to destress too. As you say, if it's been going on a long time he no doubt is feeling the strain too.

Do you have any friends who'd be willing to come round for a couple of hours to spend time with you?

LimonViola · 15/04/2018 13:01

When I've been unexpectedly poorly when my OH and I had plans I've always encouraged him to go away and enjoy himself anyway, why should we both suffer? And vice verse. Though I know if we asked one another to stay we would do. But maybe the reason we'd be happy to stay is because as we're normally so 'no, you go and have fun!' we both know we'd only ask the other to stay if it was really serious.

Has this situation ever come up before?

Mickyj · 15/04/2018 13:08

No it hasn’t come up before. Perhaps I am being selfish which is why I wrote the post, to really reflect on that. The hospital aren’t sure what it is.. it’s not related to panic or anxiety though as I am a very stable person and I was excited about going home. My father in law wasn’t happy about me being left as I can’t stand up and the seizures are very frequent.

I can go from being a relatively normal person to waking up the next morning and having no end of seizures. I’ve been unablle to work since September last year.

This though has been different and the loss of sensation in my arms and legs has absolutely terrorfied me. I have been really scared. I also don’t hallucinate normally.

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 15/04/2018 13:16

Could it be the change in meds?

Mickyj · 15/04/2018 13:25

It’s what I am thinking. Although I can’t get hold of my private doctor that prescribed them. They’re not allopathic medicines so it’s hard to know what I should be experiencing in terms of side effects.

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LimonViola · 15/04/2018 13:27

Stable people get anxiety and panic too!

Well, it hasn't happened before so he doesn't have form for not being there when you need him or want him to be. Let him enjoy his time with friends, unless you genuinely believe you'd be in danger without supervision, in which case call NHS for their advice as you should be under medical care if it's that severe.

I'd also message and apologise for hanging up on him.

Mickyj · 15/04/2018 13:34

Thanks. Yeah I know we can all be prone to feeling anxiety at times but at the moment my life is pretty great and I’m happy when I’m well enough. I just wasn’t feeling anxious about anything so there’s no real sense in there being a trigger there.

I think I’m going to apologise for hanging up. I just feel so frustrated and scared at the moment :-(

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LimonViola · 15/04/2018 13:59

Who else can you have to come and sit with you for a bit of company OP?

Mickyj · 15/04/2018 14:18

I have nobody as I’ve not lived here long. My friend all live about 3 hours away. I have no neighbors as I live rurally on a farm.

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WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/04/2018 15:45

Could this be hormonal? I'm only wondering because it started after pregnancy, and two weeks on/two weeks off would fit with monthly hormones cycles.

Are you on any contraception? Or taking any hormonal meds?

My almost-groundless (almost; I read a website by a consultant gynaecologist about this once) diagnosis is that you are allergic to progesterone.

Mickyj · 15/04/2018 16:30

Unfortunately it’s not hormonal. I track every cycle.... there’s no real pattern to the illness. I’ve also been hormonally rested and it all came back normal. I do think it’s genetic as my sister has had a similar chronic illness and my dad has been off work since I was 3- I’m now 30. They have never found an answer for either of them either.

I’ve gone private. Spent every penny on discovering a cause and cure and still no answers. I’ve been struggling for 10 years now.

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Mickyj · 15/04/2018 16:31

I also don’t take any hormonal medication as I use the natural family planning method.

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WhatsGoingOnEh · 15/04/2018 16:34

That's awful. Have you, your dad and your sister got together and compared all test results, symptoms and everything? Collectively you must have a wealth of information.

I'm really sorry you're going through this.

Mickyj · 15/04/2018 17:40

Yeah we have.. we even found that it may go back further to my nans brother but it’s hard to know because their generation didn’t talk of these things.

There are lots of similarities between the three of us but this doesn’t lead to any conclusion.

There is nothing anybody can do. I get glimmers of health like when I managed a whole year of working- then I went down with a viral infection and I’ve been on my back since... a year on. Then I had three weeks of health and bam- down again. Luckily my kids take it with a pinch of salt.. Infact we joke about it and make fun of it. Even when I’m having a seizure they get on me and have competitions to see who can wake mummy up :-) it doesn’t scare them ever- they always know I’ll wake up.

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