when does an OLD "relationship" start?

[OLDrelationshipissues]

Because you meet as complete strangers? Is it from starting to chat, or first date or becoming exclusive?

I've been seeing a guy for a good few months now (almost 6) since our first date. We're taking it pretty slow as we only see each other once a week and we both have kids. We've not met each others friends or families as it just seems too soon! But other people are starting to ask when will they meet him? Are we backwards? From my part, I don't want my friends and family to meet a string of men.
From his part, I think I'm the first relationship he's had in over 6 years, so i think he's pretty cautious. His friend had a big birthday last week which he didn't invite me to and that hurt a bit, being honest, but also I'm not sure if I'd have invited him if the shoe was on the other foot.

For me if you become exclusive then I would say the relationship could have started from the beginning. But without exclusivity and a title, it's not a relationship.

From my recent very hurtful OLD experience, I'd just be careful with his commitment to you. I'm 5 months into something with someone from OLD who turned around a month ago and told me that actually he doesn't want me as his girlfriend. Just wants to continue the casual 'taking it slow' approach we've been doing - but has zero plans to ever commit fully.
I've been in shock about it, because even though I hadn't introduced him to my kids because I also want to take things slow, I had no idea he felt that way. He was interested in my life, bought my kids gifts, bought me gifts. He just seemed like he wanted to be with me in a committed relationship, but he actually didn't. If you guys haven't had a chat about what you are or where it's going after half a year, and he's not introduced you to anyone - that is a big red flag that he doesn't want to show that he has a girlfriend and doesn't want to commit.

Do his friends know about you? Are you guys exclusive?
I've also been very cautious and haven't wanted to introduce someone yet. But I would definitely want some kind of exclusivity and commitment/title before 6 months.

With OLD I think you start off in a bubble, just need to be brave and start meeting the people in your lives! Go for it!

meow his friends and family all know about me (as far as he's told me) and he refers to conversations he's had about me which is why if found it a bit weird that with the perfect opportunity of meeting them he decided not to... We've been exclusive from about the one month mark.

He sent me flowers on valentines but although I bought his kids gifts at xmas, he didn't reciprocate (I told him to say they were from santa and put that on the label but i thought the though was there). He's not done anything "romantic" apart from those flowers.

hipsters there's a wedding in the summer that he has invited me to, but very casually as in "maybe you could come?" Which made me feel like it was a maybe invitation...

See, I'm of the opinion that as of 6 months its all the way or nothing. I'm not suggesting we meet the kids though as that's a step up but a commitment to each other should now be full on so that we can determine if this is a goer?

meow sorry i meant to say that sounds like a big disappointment and i totally sympathise. What's his relationship history like? I think this guy i'm with should be totally delighted to have me! But he seems a bit "we'll see" which I have seriously never had before.

When I look at stuff on here I see that guys should be beating down your door to see you in the first few months. Whilst he's been keen and very complimentary, he's had nights where he's rather watched the football than see me.......

From my own OLD experience, guys get hurt just as much as us ladies. However, they seem to have no qualms about just saying it as it is, i.e. taking it slow etc. Maybe read 'Why Men Love Bitches'. It's not about being nasty or playing games, there is actually some good advice in there. I agree with you, after 6 mths I'd expect some future planning. He has mentioned the wedding and maybe you can go. What did you reply? Inviting someone to a wedding is a big deal and I suppose it depends if it's a family wedding or a friends wedding? If it's the former, then he may be worried that inviting you is declaring his 'status' to everyone and maybe he doesn't feel quite ready or is nervous. Does that make sense?

Six months of seeing someone once a week is not a relationship. So you've seen him like, 24 times in six months?

If it's not gaining any momentum at this point then it's a placeholder and you quickly want more than that.