My daughter doesn’t want friends over anymore

[Theateam17]

Hi everyone,
My daughter is having a few issues at the moment, she had a sleepover birthday party recently, during that party there was a bit of bickering and falling out towards the end but generally they all had a good time. 2 of her friends who weren’t very close before the party are now very good friends and have been playing together without my daughter. She hasn’t taken this very well and doesn’t help herself with her reactions, she tends to get angry rather than upset which only makes them not want to play with her more and can be quite hard faced. They fell out for about 2 weeks after the party and although made up just before Easter my daughter no longer wants to see them outside of school and although is speaking to them doesn’t play with them as much in school either. I worry that she’s pushing her friends away and is becoming increasingly reliant on me. She gets upset if I try to talk about it too much and just says she doesn’t want anyone over and doesn’t know why.
I know generally you should leave them to sort they’re own friendship problems but she’s always loved a play date before and I don’t know how much I should push it.
Any advice greatfully received. X

How old is she?

Personally I wouldn’t get too involved. It is best to all your children the freedom to solve their own problems. This increases their resilience- a vital skill needed for life!

*allow

She’s 9. X

They all do it and it doesn't get better either. My oldest is 12 and her and her friends are nightmares.

I let them get on with it unless it gets really nasty and I need to step in.

Things might just resolve themself. If not just be there to let her have a moan and let her know gently that everyone can have more than one friend and maybe they are being really friendly with each other because it's new. I get this issue alot with my dd, it's jealousy on her part because she doesn't feel as included. They get over it though x

I think it'd be helpful to talk with your daughter about how we don't 'own' friends, and two people can be friends and socialise without it taking anything away from the relationship she has with them individually. She sounds like she has reacted badly to these friends becoming friends and it's caused them to distance themselves, is that right?

Other than talking to her though I think you should leave it and let her figure it out herself, as PP mentioned it will help her build resilience, relationship and problem solving skills.

While I wouldn't push this - and childhood friendships do change quite a lot at this age - I would keep talking to DD on her terms about how things are going generally. If you feel you can approach the class teacher as well, a discreet chat may be in order to head off any bullying or isolating behaviour from her ex-friends. Yes, they should be able to manage their own friendships, but at this age they often need a helping hand.

Yes she’s definitely not handled it very well, she has said she doesn’t like them being friends, I’ve tried saying that’s nice as now you can all play together but she says they’re different together and doesn’t want to play with them. So she doesn’t help herself, you’re right about the not owning friends, I think she feels left out but is being very stubborn.