AIBU to feel like this - wedding related

[FeelLikeAShitFriend]

I’ve namechanged.

My best friend in the world is getting married today. We’ve known each other since we were small and went through a lot together. I’m her maid of honour.

Whilst she is so happy and excited, I can’t shake a slight feeling of jealousy. My ex walked out on me 18 months ago after his affair, treated me horribly and is now divorcing me. I’m scared I’m going to lose her which of course is not going to be the case. They will start ttc straight after the wedding, I will probably never have children now. I feel stuck whilst everyone might bed on with their lives.

I will of course do my duties, smile, be happy for her, dance and have a good time, but I’ve woken up with this tight knot in my stomach that I can’t seem to shake.

Please believe that I really am happy for her but I just feel so fragile. I feel like a complete bitch for having those feelings of jealousy. I’m not usually a jealous person and I hate myself for it.

I don’t even know what the point of this thread is.

Might be = moves on

You’d not be human if you didn’t feel like this. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Don’t think it’s all over for you though. Take some time to recover from the shock and then start thinking about what you want and how to get it.

I will probably never have children now

Why?

YABU yes because your friend is entitled to be happy, notwithstanding that fact that you’re not. However I think your feelings, whilst unreasonable, are totally understandable. You’ve been through a lot over the last few months and today will just be holding a mirror up to your memories of your own wedding day, which will of course upset you.

I think the best thing to do is focus on your friend. It’s early now so the wedding bustle hasn’t started yet and you’ve got time to reflect on negative comparisons. Once the dressing etc starts, you’ll probably be too busy to think about anything else. In the quiet moments I’d try telling yourself that yes this are sad now but your memories were genuinely happy at the time and you’ll have happy times in the future. It’s ok to be sad for a minute or two, but it’s better for your mental health to think “ok I’ve had 5 sad minutes, now I’m going to think about two happy things.”
Good luck with the day.

I know my friend is entitled to her happiness and I genuinely want her to be happy, this is why I’m so upset with myself for feeling like that. You are right, once it all starts I will get wrapped up in all the happy madness 😊

Re the children, it’s just a feeling I have, it’s one of my main fears. I’m already 35.

I'm 21 weeks pregnant and am 43. If it is that pivotal to you about the kids, go to a clinic and have one!

It's totally natural the way you are feeling, I'm a great believer in - you never know what's round the corner- this could very easily be you in a year. Take the day to just enjoy and have a great time 💐

SVRT it’s not that easy though is it? And the baby thing was hardly the core of my message.

I do know that IABU though so will focus on just enjoying the day.

For me, the baby thing was the core of your message. It stood out.

You want your friend to be happy ever after with a family, but you want that for you too.

You're young. You will find the happiness you are looking for.

You are not a shit friend! I had a similar (ish) experience - one of my closest friends got married and I was key in the proceedings. But I found it really hard to be central to all the romance and loveliness of the wedding which she was (rightly) caught up in. While I was very lonely and the pain of my divorce still fresh. YANBU.

Well you know what? Their marriage lasted a ridiculous 16 months. She ran off with his best mate. I then met the most delightful man and am absolutely in love. We’ve been together 2 years and couldn’t be happier.

Wedding days are full of romance and beauty and perfection and dream-i-ness. It smarts against the pain you feel but it isn’t real. It’s only the ceremonial artificial superficial stuff. It isn real.

Real life isn’t this. Real life can be surprising. You have no idea where your life will be in 18 months. Be kind to yourself and know what all will be well.

Great post Hipster. You are right.
Op take heart, I don’t blame you at all for feeling like this, but try not to compare your inside with other people’s outside.

Sorry my last message was a little blunt. Thank you, everyone. Hipster, you are so right. I will bear in mind what you have said.