Advice for avoiding an argument

[Cheeseandapple]

Need some help with avoiding an argument or offending my DM, if possible.

Brief background is that we have quite a strained relationship, argue when we spend much time together. Issues between us run deep! She tends to forget how nasty our arguments are or blames me for them saying well if you didn't do XYZ we wouldn't argue so much!

We have a family friends wedding coming up. It will be abroad. DM (she's single and won't be invited to the wedding with a plus 1) has assumed that she and I will stay together, along with my husband and children. She said 'I'll start looking for places for us to stay'. I really don't want to stay with her as we'll inevitably end up arguing every day and it will ruin what should be a lovely occasion and what could be a nice little holiday in the sun.

She can be very insecure and will be hurt and offended if I said that to her. How can I approach this?

Lots of us find our mothers irritating but manage to avoid perpetual arguing by ignoring most of what they say.

i would totally us the shithouse method and say dh was hoping for some family time and totally blame him. i would also look for accomodation where you are not too far apart from DM but not the same house/ villa whatever - but perhaps also get yourself an itinerary so you can be away from her for some of the time.

i guess the sensible thing would be to say - look mum i want a sensible conversation with you without arguing - i am not apportioning any blame and i recognise that we are so alike that we rub each other the wrong way from time to time. its for that reason i think we should get seperate places but meet together for evening meal. if she kicks off just say - your provig my point, ill book my own place and your sort your own out

if she doesn't kick off happy days win win

i would stll go for shithouse option 1 in reality though

@HeddaGarbled honestly I've tried ignoring but she won't let me! It's more than I find her irritating and should just leave her to it. We've got a difficult and strained relationship.

@Custardo thank you! I like both of those ideas! I'll need to think about which one would be most effective. Option 2 might be harder but better in the long run.