I married my best friend but

[1Potato2]

I love dh. We have been together 13 years and married for 8. We have 2 children.

He is very kind. He pulls his weight with the children and house etc. We are great friends. Apart from the very early days however, I don't particularly fancy him.

He is complimentary and cuddly but never initiates sex or indeed 90% of stuff such as planning weekend activities or holidays. This has largely been Ok, but it is starting to grate. In bed, when we do do something his moves are predictable and dull.

Lately, I've grown in confidence. I've always been active, but recently I've challenged myself to train for somethings and have achieved it. I feel alive and sexual. I am paying more attention to my clothes etc.

Recently a man (stranger) looked at me with real desire and it felt amazing. I am ashamed to say that in the past few months I have started flirting with some men (nothing more).

Dh is the only man I've had sex with. I've had some experiences prior. I realised I was bi a few years ago. I regret not sleeping with more people.

Has anyone got any advice please? I feel so unsatisfied. I have spoken to dh about the lack of good sex (which I initiated), but nothing has changed. I guess I'm fed up of initiating what feels like everything in our lives. I want to be desired.

I know what you are saying regarding initiating but could you perhaps grab the bull by the horns so to speak?

Bring something into the bedroom (or elsewhere), a karma sutra book, sex dice or just something where you can both have a laugh but also find out new things about one another?

Use your new found confidence to your advantage! Is there any reason you don’t fancy him physically or is it just the lack of drive he has?

With regards to holidays, maybe he thinks you enjoy the planning or that you’re really good at it (I know the latter isn’t an excuse) but I’d discuss that as well

I agree with the previous poster’s suggestion if you bringing something different into the bedroom. If you try and make it more fun and exciting, he may follow suit.

Also, you could ask your DH to book something for you both as a surprise, a holiday or activity. Tell him that you want him to surprise you. He’s probably just got used to you choosing holidays and thinks you like doing it. It seems like he needs some encouragement.

When its gone its gone. Bedroom toys wont change that.

Maybe you could try and encourage to follow your example and train for something and achieve it and become alive and sexual? The change in him could turn it all around as it has in you. Sometimes we all need a jumpstart. It sounds like you bore each other sexually right now so its become predictable.