I don't know what to do about my relationship..

[shesanutcase]

I'm a SAHM to my 1 year old son. I have been suffering some health and anxiety (actually health anxiety) issues lately which has got me very down and depressed. I don't really leave the house and all my days are the same, consisting of worrying about whats wrong with me pretty much.
Me and my partner are meant to be getting married soon and we have just bought a new house. To be quite honest I don't like him touching me, we haven't gone near each other for well over 2 months and I prefer it when he isn't around and I have the bed to myself.
I just don't understand myself to be honest. He works long hours which I understand and on a weekend he just wants to watch football and never wants to do anything as a family (this was before my health anxiety got bad and I wanted to do things)
I just don't know what to do.

I think you need to be breaking this down into chunks, starting with your health. Have you spoken to your GP? What have they said? And if not, you need to be making an appointment sooner rather than later.

Once you get yourself back on an even keel, you can make decisions on your relationship without being influenced by how you feel when you're not well 💐

Sorry to hear this OP.

Health anxiety is hard, any anxiety is.

I’m no expert but I have had bouts of anxiety and a particular phase was when my DS was a year old!

Have you had your thyroid checked? I hate to bring up a medical issue, but I didn’t realise I was hypothyroid and anxiety is a huge symptom, and is often brought on by pregnancy/childbirth.

It may be worth getting checked out, it’s no biggie, you take a synthetic replacement every day and it rebalances everything and my anxiety improved, so my mood improved. Everything improved.

Are you getting help for your anxiety? There’s a lot of help widely available on the subject even outside of the GP.

Sending you a hug.

It sounds to me that your DP being absent, both physically and then emotionally is what is making you feel upset. If you feel anxious when he is home, then that will feed into the health anxiety.

Why doesn't your DP want to do things as a family at the weekend? What would you like to happen - do you want your relationship to get better (in an ideal world)?

As difficult as things maybe, Sn0t is pretty much spot on.....

Compartmentalise then prioritise the issues that need addressing.

Your health issues, your feeling of isolation issues, your esteem or lack of them, issues, the lack of communication issues.

One by one.

But running a thread through all of them.

It seems you not being intimate with your partner is a way of punishing him because he’s not empathic to your needs.

Talking is always a good place to start.

Listening is equally important, if not more so.

Thank you for your replies. I have seen my GP and I am waiting for a referral to gastroenterology - the doctor seemed to think they will probably do a colonoscopy and a endoscopy. All but the GP who referred me has implied it could be anxiety. It started as I had lost about 1/2 stone or more without really trying but I kind of justified it to myself, and now I have started going to the toilet more often and its loose, I feel sick a lot of the time and have barely any appetite. So I think the worst even though I am only 30 and have no family history and just got myself into a very dark place with worrying. I am even considering spending £640 for a private colonoscopy so it can be done quicker.
Thyroid actually has been mentioned as my hair is shedding like crazy, its literally coming out in huge clumps. I'm having a blood test to check it on Tuesday. I wonder if around the year mark after having a baby is when anxiety etc can creep in for some people?
I have rung up to try to get therapy but I assume like everything else there will be a waiting list. I'm already taking Citalopram, not that its helping much.
DP never seemed to want to do anything as he said he was too tired after working or there was always some sports match on the TV that he had to be home to watch. Before my anxiety got bad I had a couple of weekends in tears so frustrated from being in on my own all week and then him not wanting to do anything on a weekend and my life just basically being like groundhog day.
I've got a lot of stress coming up too as I say we will be moving soon, DP's parents live abroad so we are visiting them next month and it just feels like more stress than I can come with with my mental and physical health being the way it is at the moment.
To be honest I don't know what I want to happen, in an ideal world I suppose I just want us to be happy and to enjoy eachs other company again but as I say at the moment I just can't stand him touching me or being near me.. I've actually been staying at my parent's I'm ashamed to say while I've been feeling like this and I actually enjoy the space to myself and having the bed to myself. That isn't normal? :(

Yes I think you are right that I do need to break it all down. I think the health anxiety is taking over the vast majority of my thoughts at the moment so its hard almost to think straight about the other issues even though they were already around before the health worries started if that makes sense.

OP. You have got a lot to deal with and new baby, house, lack of support during the week. It is enough to make you stressed and trigger the anxiety.

If you can, maybe try a Dr. Claire Weekes recording to unravel some of the anxious thoughts and see if that can bring you some calm? They were recommended to me and it felt like I was doing something positive at the time. Also the No Panic Helpline used to be good with lots of free advice and a sympathetic ear when it felt horrible.

I tried everything and felt like a hamster on a wheel because I just wanted to feel ‘normal’.

My thyroid went undiagnosed though I’d asked for months for a thyroid test as I felt something wasn’t right. The GP was awful and just kept saying ‘new baby, new baby’. She would then rant about George Bush which was helpful . The locum finally sent me for the blood test, I cried with anger and relief when they finally got the results back.

I think if you can somehow get to what triggers your anxiety, I know it’s health worries but can you catch the thoughts that send you into a state and learn to stop them, honestly, it does work, then you can start to evaluate if your relationship is a symptom or a cause.

Sometimes it is just your thyroid playing havoc and with your hair - that’s a classic over active thyroid symptom. That blood test will let you know soon enough.

But whatever, you do need to remember, anxiety passes. You won’t feel bad forever. It will lift and your GP will help you. There is help so keep the faith.

Very best wishes.