I have been with my partner for 2+ years now.
He moved to the area we now live in about 3 years ago. He previously had a relationship with a woman who at the time had a teenage daughter with whom he got on really well with (surrogate dad, type of thing).
The relationship with the mother of the daughter ended about 9-10 years ago, but they were together for about 4-5 years. They all stayed in touch and everything was very amicable from what I understand.
When we first got together, he used to mention that the ex partners daughter had messaged him and was asking when he might be popping down to their neck of the woods.
I actually thought that this was very healthy and encouraged him to keep the lines of communication open and try and set a date to catch up with her (she's now 24/25 years old with a baby of her own).
Eventually he agrees and travels to see her.
Around the time (us having been together for over a year) I did ask if she was aware that he had a new partner and he said "yes of course she knows about us".
I had assumed that his ex partner would be there when he visited, being as she was local to her daughter.
Upon his return (300 mile round trip) I asked the obvious - "how did it go, how was the baby, did you manage to catch up with ex?"
He said that ex was not there and proceeded to show me photos that he had taken during his visit. Okay - so I assumed my assumption was wrong.
The following day, he gets a call from his mother (other end of the country) and during this call she obviously asks how some one is, his reply was "yeah, she's okay, so far as I know".
Following the call, I asked who she had been enquiring about? His answer was "you". Quite clearly a lie! I think I was shocked that his mother quite clearly knew that his ex would have been present, but he declined to tell me and then blatantly lied .
1 week later I asked again and he still maintained the same answer, a week after he said " no it was about my ex, but I thought I had told you she had been (was going to be)there".
I was quite disappointed, as at no point had I given him any reason to think that I would be unhappy about contact with his ex. I asked if there was a reason for the lying and all I got was "I don't know". I asked if the daughter and ex know about me and was told "yes".
If so why lie?
Forward 1 year and the daughter of ex is suggesting that he visit again and he is doing the same 'avoidance technique' as before! He is telling me about it, but saying "Oh, I can't be arsed".
I have asked again, if they know I exist- to which he say "yes" but for the past 2 years, any Christmas cards that have come do not include me.
As an aside, I was a little bit hurt that I didn't get an invite to meet them first time, as in my eyes, if they are still important to him and still in his life, then is that not what he should have/should suggest?
Mole hill, or Mountain?