Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In love with friend?

14 replies

sevenatenine3 · 13/04/2018 12:53

Hallo
I really need to off load, I feel extraordinarily sad today as i think I have fallen in love with my close friend. I am married to a man who doesnt actually speak unless, I speak to him or ask him questions. he is a nice man but is so quiet and disinterested in me or famiy life, he is like a lodger in our house. we have three children, one with special needs.He is a workaholic who either sleeps or goes on his phone as soon as he has eaten his dinner at night. I am desperately lonely and sad and crave emotional and physical connection. I have grown very close to a male friend. weve been friends for years. i see him every day. we are very close and discuss everything from the superficial to the deep. I have not discussed my marriage with my friend, only to say briefly that we are like ships passing through he night, with his work etc. I checked out of this marriage 5years ago ,when i got a panic attack one evening. It was a culmination of stress, single parenting, overwork and exhaustion on my part. my husband was upset, promised he would reduce hours etc but after 2 days, everything went back to how it always was. he is essentially a lovely gentle man who shows care and kindness towards us when sick or sad but its temporary. Work is his first priority.I am outgoing, sociable and chatty. I crave companionship. Sorry I am rambling now. Anyway, my male friend is genuinely kind, loving .He cares very deeply for me by his actions and we seek eachother out at every given opportunity. He is complimentary about my personality, my physical appearance and my about my work. I feel great when with him and through our contact. we text eachother multiple times a day, normally instigated by him. he knows Im lonely and miserable in my marriage but Ive never told him this, if that makes sense.he has alluded to us doing activities on our own and regularly talks about the future in terms of us both. he is single and would often say why can he not find a woman like me to marry, which sounds vain but im trying to keep things factual. could someone please guide me or advise me. i cant talk to anyone in real life yet. thanks for reading this.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 13/04/2018 12:57

If you checked out of the marriage 5 years ago then why are you still in it? If you don't want to be with your husband then you need to properly address the situation and sort it out.
Don't start thinking about any other relationships now, you need to sort out your marriage.

BitOutOfPractice · 13/04/2018 13:00

Your DH doesn't sound like a "lovely man" to me.
But I agree with Shox, you need to sort your marriage out (by ending it maybe?) before you start thinking about being in lobe with someone else

tinkerbellone · 13/04/2018 13:03

Sounds like you've transferred your feelings for your husband to your 'friend.'
I'd say you're having an emotional affair with this friend.
Which is unfair on everyone involved.
Talk to your husband and communicate is stead of doing it with this other man.

Adayindisney67 · 13/04/2018 13:04

You are already having an emtional affair.
Your marriage is all but over and you have to deal with that first.
Your husband is none the wiser and doesnt deserve this. As much as you are miserable you are creating more misery!

Cricrichan · 13/04/2018 13:17

You're falling for someone who is paying you a bit of attention. End things with your husband if you fell out of love years ago.

StrawberryLaces0 · 15/04/2018 09:53

I get everything you're saying. I've been where you are. I was desperately lonely and attention was welcome but that's all it was.
I ended the marriage. You can't move forward with your life and have what you crave otherwise. I was depressed wondering what the right thing was to do. With kids involved too. But it was the right thing and I'm much happier. I see light at the end of the tunnel!! You get one life and deserve to be happy. Everyone does. It will be an upheaval and take time but better for all at the end. If you have kids think this - do you want them thinking this is what relationships are like. I didn't. I want them to see love, care and respect. One day I hope they see that for their mum x

StrawberryLaces0 · 15/04/2018 09:57

Regarding the friend - I fell for a guy that I had signals from who I adored. I thought he wasn't making a move because I was still married. But now I'm separated I finally asked and it wasn't what I thought. Still ...it got me through to where I am and I know there are others like him out there x

StrawberryLaces0 · 15/04/2018 09:57

Regarding the friend - I fell for a guy that I had signals from who I adored. I thought he wasn't making a move because I was still married. But now I'm separated I finally asked and it wasn't what I thought. Still ...it got me through to where I am and I know there are others like him out there x

StrawberryLaces0 · 15/04/2018 09:57

Regarding the friend - I fell for a guy that I had signals from who I adored. I thought he wasn't making a move because I was still married. But now I'm separated I finally asked and it wasn't what I thought. Still ...it got me through to where I am and I know there are others like him out there x

StrawberryLaces0 · 15/04/2018 09:57

Oops sorry about that. Had error message saying unable to send and it seems it did 3 times!!!!

RainyApril · 15/04/2018 10:01

If you're unhappy, leave. It's never going to improve while you're in an emotional affair and I doubt that the distance between you and your dh is entirely his fault. Just leave as many do, with integrity, and then you're both free to find someone who makes them happier.

RainyApril · 15/04/2018 10:01

If you're unhappy, leave. It's never going to improve while you're in an emotional affair and I doubt that the distance between you and your dh is entirely his fault. Just leave as many do, with integrity, and then you're both free to find someone who makes them happier.

RainyApril · 15/04/2018 10:01

Me too re the error message!

HipsterAssassin · 15/04/2018 14:55

Take a deep breath tonight and tell your DH that the marriage is over. You are not doing your kids any favours continuing this charade. They likely are very aware that your marriage is empty and that you are in turmoil, though they won’t understand why or put it into words.

Far better to model for them the courage to end relationships which don’t work. And free yourself to find love, respect, partnership, affection, company, all the things you crave. You can’t have them right now. An emotional affair can’t give you that. You know that.

Right now your focus needs to be on your kids and steadying the ship while you end this marriage. Call a solicitor tomorrow. If this friend really cares about you he will let you get your house in order.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread