Trial separation, moving out..does it work?

[Flylight]

Have nc for this but have been on here a good few years now.

Dp and I have been together around 5 years, live together, no dc. Things really haven't been good for at least the last year. We argue a lot and seem to struggle to be on the same page. I feel like everything gets twisted around so I am essentially at fault for our issues. He has said horrible things about me as a person which to be fair he does apologize for but doesn't seem to understand that that then changes how I feel about him. I think deep down he may love me but he doesn't seem to like anything about me. If we try and talk it just ends up in an argument, we go round in circles and nothing changes.

Anyway recently we talked about a trial separation. He owns the house we live in so it'll be me having to leave. I've got no idea if it's a good idea or not but am at a loss as nothing seems to make things any better. Has anyone had a separation? How long for? It all feels quite overwhelming and the thought of going back to sharing a house is not great but I can't carry on the way things are..

Thanks all

Me and exh split for 6 months.
I went back.
He was still a twat.
Move out, move on is my advice.

Trial seperation for 8 months after 27 year marriage here and it has worked. Been a rocky and emotional time though. He acted like a twat at first but then realised what he was missing and sorted his attitude out. Things much better between us now and he’s about to move back in. I used the break to concentrate on what I wanted and really think about my future. It got us out of a rut but we ll see how the future goes. We had an agreement that we would not enter a relationship with anyone else or shag anyone else during the trial separation. I think that was important for us.

just that sounds really positive. I just figured maybe time apart would give us space to really think about what we want. Would have to be a no seeing other people thing as well, that would just complicate matters. It's so easy to fall into a routine where everything is ok for a bit, but it never stays ok

I feel like everything gets twisted around so I am essentially at fault for our issues. He has said horrible things about me as a person

It sounds as if there may be some emotional abuse going here. I actually think a break would do you good, to get some head space, get away from him 'twisting' things and work out if you actually want to continue the relationship. Good luck

Thanks green I think you're probably right. I don't think he means to be abusive, I think we both feel trapped in a crap situation and can't understand why it's got like it has

Have you considered couples counselling? (Or individual counselling?) It doesn't sound as though you have given up yet.

Have thought about it but never done anything about it. Sometimes I want it to work, then other times when he's acted like a twat I feel I don't care. Surely it shouldn't be this hard

I think some space for you to think is important. Counselling is great if you can do that too. It just helps you get your thoughts out. Took me 6 months to realise I wanted to leave.

I only know of one couple who it has worked for. She left for 4 months and during that time he really tried, gave her space, worked on his own issues a little bit and she went back. She tells me he is like a different man and the break did them the world of good. She has more freedom now, he appreciates her much more, he tries harder, they have a much better relationship.

It could work but you have to think about how it would be: would you see other people? Would you be no contact? Would there be a requisite of counselling etc. Both have to be fully engaged to making it work and both under the understanding that either party might want the relationship to be over at the end.