Dp is good father, good worker but passive partner

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I'm continually trying to understand if I'm either asking too much or it's ok to want certain things.

Ever since I became a mum I've sort of upped my game in what I want from the people in my life. As I saw it as who tolerated me before and what I could do/give, perhaps not in the most selfless way. So I'm great at thinking for others, listening, coming up with ideas etc

Because I do and organise stuff and cook meals etc I don't ever get to hear 'I want to be with you' 'I want to spend time with you.' I'm just always saying it to him, lets go for a meal, do this etc And yes, sometimes I'll back off - for weeks, whilst saying this is what I need you to do/think about. And suddenly nothing. Our joint social/family life grinds to a halt, sex stops, talking stops etc

So unless I'm devoting myself to our relationship, thereby not feeling nourished myself, it doesn't seem to happen then he says I'm angry and then there's gridlock until I take up the initiative again. He just seems tired after work or whenever he does childcare. It seems to never occur to him to prioritise me. Us. It's all about his work or being a dad.

I've even started thinking about him taking more time off for his sports in the (vain) hope he returns and brings some renewed energy to 'us'. But it doesn't seem to be working.

I'm tired. I'm too old for this. There is nothing outwardly wrong as in he's generous with money, we enjoy being a family. It's just he doesn't bring his energy to us or prioritises me so I've run out of gas trying to do it. I guess I'm asking for others' thoughts on this? Is this just what having children and being a family is?

Yep! Some people get through life just putting one foot in front of the other. It's only half living though, isn't it. Maybe that's better than the alternative?

Someone in the family is often the organiser so that can work for couples but when you say he doesn"t talk, what is that like?

Does he do stuff for your birthday or christmas?

Sounds like my dp. He's very laid back . There are pluses to this; he is tolerant, patient, doesn't have a bad temper and is very kind. Sometimes I get a little frustrated because as you say, we would never go out/have a romantic night/ make home improvements/ do ANYTHING unless I think it up and plan it. He's not lazy, he will do anything that needs doing IF its pointed out to him. I tell myself this is what comes with his lovely easygoing nature. You have to love ALL of a person I guess. I understand what you mean about wanting to be prioritised!

I'm so confused!

Yep! Some people get through life just putting one foot in front of the other

I think this is a HUGE luxury when someone else is doing all the work!!!

I ended up divorcing my first husband because he was so laid back he was horizontal. He organised absolutely bugger all and felt that his going to work was enough. I worked too with 2 young children and in the end i just flipped!! At 28 he made me feel 50

You chose him to be the father of your children, it’s not fair to expect him to change.

Mine is like this. he doesn't eat (a proper meal) if I don't cook it- even if I have work and he is on an evening shift. Or he will look in one cupboard if something is missing and then come to me.

It really annoys me. I have to think about everything and plan everything

Hi OP - how does he manage to arrange his sports? How does he cope at work?
He may be passive aggressive - have you looked this up? You know him better than we do.
Do you go out by yourself at all with friends. If not - I would start doing this.
You want him to take an interest in "you" there's nothing wrong with this.
You may show love in different ways. There is a book "The 5 languages of love" about this.
Littlelambeep- yours isn't disabled is he. Get him a ready meal - if he chooses not to eat it - not your problem.