Loneliness

[Flownthenestmummy]

Hi, my kids have flown the nest and I am feeling lonely. I have always found it hard to make friends ( seem to know lots of people) but always on the edge- the last one to get an invite sort of person, or friendships have already been formed, if that makes sense. I never had time when my kids were young as I was too busy working then flying around to doctors, dentist, football, gymnastics etc ( as mum does) so the friendships I had seemed to disappear. Does anyone else feel like this?

Didn't want to read and run but I can totally empathise.

I have quite a few separate groups of friends but as you describe I'm always on the periphery of these groups never one of the main protagonists.

Not sure why. I'm quite chatty and friendly but it never seems to translate into anything more than surface friendships.

Thanks for replying, yep me too, so I think I have given up trying as rejection feels bad

It gets harder as you get older. I'm single and have moved away from the place I grew up in (crazy stalker ex), and it's much harder to make new friends, other than chatting with Mum's at the school gate. I have however, grown used to the solitude. I did not want to maintain any of the relationships I had, (people with their own issues!), and I chose to walk away. This has given me focus and freedom, but it does get lonely sometimes with only a 9 year old to speak to. I do intend joining a few local activities in the hope that this will make me feel better, and I am starting a new job soon so you never know. I think the main thing is to try and keep busy, and to stay in touch and involved with family, and just stay hopeful .

Hi, thanks for replying. I'm fine when I'm busy, but when everyone else seems to have great social lifes and lots of mates makes me feel bad (envious, wishing I was more like them, more outgoing). Good luck with your new job

Well..do you go out, OP? I do know a couple of people in real life who say they're fed up of own company but they don't go anywhere. Apart from work etc they're behind 4 walls I don't know how they expect to meet people. They sit on Facebook etc looking at other people's lives (not suggesting you do this).

There are Meetup groups for all sorts. If you've an interest in dance or music you can go to classes and events. A friend is in her 50s does jive/swingdance style and they do lots of events and socials..with all the dressing up in the style too. New lease of life for her.

I like a certain style of music and once joined a Meetup group to meet like minded. I'm not in it now but still friends with 2 of the women I met there and we go out and about at times. I tend to have different friends for different things. I actually like solitude. Just, not all the time.

I think if you join a social activity where everyone's there for same reason (& there are ice breaker meets too) then it's a good option.

You've time to be you now so just find something you like doing. Then just get up and out and do it
At the very least you'll have fun and get to chat.

If you're in the UK even better. In my home country if you're a woman over 40 you may as well be dead. Not seen not heard, stay indoors nothing geared towards elders meeting. You are lucky here.

Hi, thanks for your reply. I am trying to get myself out more, I play Badminton once a week. Yes I should make myself get out more

Hi OP hope you find more that you like doing. We've all put family work in, time to enjoy life more now why not🙂

I'm another one who would recommend the meetup app.
There are always different groups you can join for all ranges of activities.
You might not make life long friends, but you can always find trips to do at weekends, which would help with the loneliness.