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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Some perspective needed

4 replies

SingleSal · 11/04/2018 22:35

Hi Ladies

I've read these posts so many times and with such interest, they have helped me through the break up of my marriage, the separation, splitting of assets and all kinds of other things - thank you!

I now need some clarity before I drive myself crazy with overthinking.

3 months ago I met a guy online, although we met online it turns out we know a lot of the same people. Like a fool I thought this would protect me from the general online crazy...but I am beginning to think I am very wrong.

A very long story of how things have been going but basically when the guy and I are together things are fantastic but when we are apart there is something going on which is just not right. I'd be totally guessing if I tried to suss out what it was, we have spoken about it and he is going through a really tough time at the moment. Again won't go into many details but I do know there are real issues there (verified by the group we both know).

We were going okay last week but this week was always going to be tough for him personally.

At the beginning of the week and totally out of the blue I got a text to say he was not going so well, did not know what he wanted and needed some time.

In the circumstances do I say if you don't know what you want then you don't want me or do I leave it and see what happens?

If I end it I may regret it and if I don't I may end up feeling like a doormat.

What do you think?

OP posts:
Dimael · 11/04/2018 23:25

I would tell him ok you take your time I hope you feel better soon. That way you seem calm about the situation and will encourage him to return.
When he returns you assess whether he is welcome in your life or not. I personally don’t like disappearing acts and needing space but if his issues are genuine maybe it’s better to let him deal with it alone than drag you down with him!

SomeKnobend · 11/04/2018 23:36

It's very early for such drama. I'd wish him well and move on. You could always get back in touch when he's sorted out his issues.

Josuk · 12/04/2018 02:04

OP - your post is somewhat dramatic. This is not the ‘online crazy’ by a long stretch.

Your reaction, on the other hand, is puzzling - you want him to make big statements/choices this early in a relationship?

You’ve just met this man.
He has been honest - about ongoing issues, and his current situation.
What else do you want him to do/be?

Just let him get in with his issues. And live your life. Maybe he’ll be back, maybe not.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/04/2018 02:23

Your post is much too vague to give you any real advice. Apart from good luck. Good luck!

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