At the beginning of February, my husband told me he wanted to divorce me. We've been together for 17 years, 13 of them married and have a child aged 7. I almost don't remember myself without him by my side.
I saw it coming. He grew distant and uninterested a couple of years ago. I told him repeatedly that I would like to spend more time together, that I was feeling unloved and uncared for. Instead, he carried on as if my requests did not matter to him.
So now he has either met someone else or, as he says, wants to live a different life without me and to start looking for a more suitable partner. After two sessions of couples counselling, where he said he most definitely wanted to end this relationship, I did the impossible. I stopped begging him to stay and swallowed the pill.
I had been a SAHM since I gave birth, working part-time, but not really earning significant sums of money. After he broke the news to me, I found a full-time job and a smaller flat for me and DD to move in. I also found a new school for DD, where she can stay the full day until I'm back from work. I have most supportive parents and friends.
Yet tomorrow I am to sign the papers for this new flat and will be moving out in a month, and I'm dreading it. My first day at work is o Monday and I'm dreading that, too.
I cannot believe it's over. Everything I say and do is like in a bad dream. The worst thing is, despite all the harsh words my husband said to me over these two months, I still have feelings for him. In the course of our prolonged relationship he did walk out on me, several times, in fact, but always came back and this is what makes me think that he may change his mind. SO silly of me, but can't help it...