Sick of his MOUTH

[lifesteeth]

My partner is doing my head in with his constant stupid comments, everytime he meets one of my friends or family I feel I have to "warn him" and then "warn them" as to what he is like, it's a bit of a strain and it always spoils these meet up's.

An example of this, last weekend we went to see my favourote band and were lucky enough to meet them afterwards. I asked for a photo and they were very friendly and willing so as DP gets the camera ready he shouts "and you, keep your hands where I can see them!!" to the guitarist!!! He meant it as a joke but it was certainly NOT taken as one (the bloke is staring daggers at the camera in the photo!).

He then moves onto the singer who, to be blunt, is a well documented nutter. my partner is well aware of what he's like so what does he do? says "hey mate, i'm from up your way but from the other side of the river so if you want to kick the shit out of me feel free!", I just wanted the ground to swallow me, there were a few other fans there just looking at us and pulling faces.

He really annoyed me last saturday too, we were in a phone shop and he was buying me a phone for my birthday. I picked one and the salesbloke tried to get us to buy a more expensive version (as they do) so DP turns around and says "nah it's a bit out of my price range, I love her but I don't love her that much!" again this was in front of an audience which embarrassed me, embarrassed the sales man and just made everyone else giggle to each other.

Be honest, am I being uptight?? He's constantly telling everyone where he's from "oh, I'm from Newcastle"..I know he's proud of it but he seems to think everyone else is really impressed by it when really nobody could care less where he's from.

We're going out with my cousin and her partner tomorow night for the first time and I'm dreading it already, I have the stupid performance of warning him before we go out and I'll be on edge all night waiting for him to say something ridiculous.

Am I being uptight??should I just accept that this is his personality or tell him how much it gets to me and risk hurting his feelings?

what about the shutting up and risk hurting your feelings? you have feelings too. perhaps you could ask him for a chat and gently explain things; rather than say "....this is how you make me feel when....", say "...this is how i feel when you do this or say that....". it takes the personal bit out of it then and may let him view things more like an outsider might. hth x

Um why are yoou with this man if you dont like him, he embarrasses you and you have to 'warn' your friends about him?

FWIW he dosnt sound that bad to me, but hes not my partner.... .

If you've been prompted to writeon here, of how much he seems to embarrass you, then maybe you are not the best match.
Sounds like he has a lack of confidence and needs to feed the old ego a bit. Unfortunately in my experience, it is not possible, not advisiable to put up with it, nor to think you change the annoying behaviour.

how long you been together??

I do like him but he always finds a way to say the most stupid thing at the worst possible time, everytime we go anywhere he tries to make us the centre of attention (and usually suceeds but for the wrong reasons).

Is this a new relationship? Tbh I think if you don't appreciate his sense of humour then you should not attempt to continue this relationship. It doesn't seem fair to expect him to change his whole personality for you.

If this kind of humour is a recent development then I would ask him to cut it out, but if this is who he is then I don't really think there is anything you can do. Let him find somebody who genuinely enjoys his company, it's a bit mean otherwise.

Hey lifesteeth. None of that sounds particularly bad to me atall tbh.
He really isn't offending anyone...just has a daft sense of humour. Sounds like you're getting yourself too uptight waiting for the next faux pas (sp) but I honestly think you probably notice it alot more than anyone else.
But-I am married to a Geordie...maybe they're all just a bit daft?

i recall other posts, where you have been upset by his behaviour and the way he is with your DCs..he is not going to change, so you can either change the way you react to him , or find someone you are more compatible with

You clearly dont' like him much. Nothing he says is awful or bad but clearly everything he says or does rubs you up the wrong way. Time to say goodbye, methinks. (god, hope you haven't been married for ten years with four kids..)

What I personally would find more embarrassing by far than any of his comments is if my partner wanted his photograph taken with a band tbh. I don't say that to criticise you, but to make you aware that things are only subjectively embarassing, not objectively. ie just think, you could mortify someone as easily as he is mortifying you.

I think he sounds quite funny actually!!! But then my sense of humour is pretty odd. The thing is that if you found him funny and laughed at his jokes then people would probably laugh to. If they look awkward it is probably half due to your reaction. My DH often makes comments like the thing your DP said in the phone shop and I laugh and quip back and others laugh along too. If you find him embarrassing then maybe you are not so well matched.

Do you have kids? You seem to socialize a lot. If you do, what do they think about him?

sounds like a dreadful identity issue, and as a result severe inter-personal communication skills deficit.

fear a not so well hidden inferiority complex and easily hurt.

writes a doctor!.

not something to put up with and no, IMO, not being uptight at all. Enjoying these good things in life isn't possible.

Not sure what the short-term answer is apart from "shut the feck up!"

Oh lifesteeth,we had you entertaining us before on MN haven't we?
This is the bloke that slaps all his change on the bar eh???

OMG, If my dad was 40 years younger and not married and possibly not my dad then I would have sworn this was him...

I know how you feel..I love my dad to bits but he does grate on me at times..esp the fact that the jokes are no longer funny esp as I know and have heard them thousand of times over my 27 years on this planet..I ask my mum many times how she copes with him..Dont think I could live let alone marry someone like that...

Another vote for I think he sounds quite funny!

But then maybe thats because I'm a geordie and feel the need to stick up for him

I have to say he sounds like my dd's father. I had to warn him about no silly jokes about '2 world wars and 1 world cup' going to my friend's 21st party as she was half-German and obviously her parents would be there. The worst bit was when he compared my (slightly overweight) flatmate to a rolypoly when she moaned she'd been banned from going on a bouncy castle at a uni fun day . Mind I'd never really got on with this flatmate anyway so it was hard for me to keep a straight face.

If there was a tactless comment you should think and not say then he was your man for it. I must admit it does play havoc with your nerves as you do keep wondering what classic they're going to come out with next. If you can't cope with this sort of thing or he can't tone it down a bit, then it may be time to rethink things.

lifesteeth - why are you with hi? how long? kids/

dh does this sort of thing sometimes, to a much lesser extent than your dp, but it's horrible, cringingly embarrassing, isn't it? Sympathies.

FWIW, 9 times out of 10 I tell him (afterwards, or in very rare circumstances straight away) when a comment bothers or embarrasses me.

His good points far, far outweigh this, though, and most people who know him are perfectly able to take it in the right humour.

I agree that this sounds a bit like part of a wider ishoo.

Oh no, I can't stand people like that. My Dad is ten times worse, he says the most embarassing things, like once when I went on a date at about 17 he shouts up the street after us "Don't come back with 10p in your hand and your knickers ripped!"

You won't change him because he doesn't know what he's doing "wrong" unfortunately, and as shown on this thread, there are people out there who won't find his behaviour wrong, just funny. Do the good bits balance out the cringy bits?

lifesteeth

This is only but a small part of your long running problems with regards to this man isn't it?. I once read a comment of yours which stated that you wanted to make this work simply because your children liked him. That is just completely sad. Well simply put you do not.

He is a poor role model/immature manchild to your children and a poor man for your own self. Being with him is akin to walking on eggshells.

You will not change him; the only way you can extricate yourself from this mess is to change the way you react to his behaviour.

I thought as well you were going to go on holiday with him and end it afterwards?.

i really don't think he sounds that bad, more like he's just having a laugh...if he's always been like this, it's not really fair that you want to change him, even if you've grown to find him embarassing.

Moondog - I was thinking the same thing. Wasn't there a 'mobile phone' thread before too?