Apologies – it’s long!
I met my ex-husband when I was 17 and we were together 13 years. He treated me badly at times (controlling, emotional abuse) and it took me to discover that he’d cheated on me to wake up, smell the coffee and get the hell out of there.
He is part of a huge family and I was extremely close friends with all my SILs – they all pretty much abandoned me when I left which I kind of understood even though it hurt. Ex-H had a complete breakdown so ended up getting all of the sympathy.
He also has a close friend who is married to a friend of mine from uni – I introduced them. It’s her reaction to all of this that I’m finding very hard to deal with and I’m thinking it’s time to call a day on the friendship. These are some of the things that have happened:
-
When I told her I’d left ex-h she was extremely upset and made a big deal about sitting the kids down and telling them – it felt really over the top at the time.
-
I met someone quite quickly and when I told her she accused me of cheating on my ex and told me her husband had told her I’d cheated and she was upset at me for proving him right (I 100% didn’t cheat on him)
-
She took one look at his picture and told me she didn’t know what I saw in him – we’re now married with kids and I’m happier than I ever have been so that’s awkward.
-
She told me she thought me leaving my Ex was me having a breakdown due to a traumatic event that happened years previously and that I needed her to help me sort my life out and get things back to how they were.
-
She regularly brings this traumatic event up and says she doesn’t think I’ve dealt with it and that she’s waiting for me to have a breakdown (I’m absolutely fine!)
-
We/I never get invited to birthdays, parties etc. She invites my ex-H and his new wife to everything. When I raised this and said that if people didn’t want us all together maybe we could take turns I was told I needed to get over it and still continues to see me separately. She’s one of my oldest friends yet I’ve not been invited to her birthday night out in over 5 years. I just get to see it all on facebook.
-
When she and a couple of my SILs got married I organised great hen do’s and really spoilt them but when I married DH I got a card (it’s not about presents but the lack of thought)
-
I moved to a new place when I was pregnant and didn’t know anyone. I was so lonely and told her and one of my ex-SILs (who was like a sister to me – I was her birth partner!) and they just told me I’d be fine. They made no effort to come and see me and check I was okay.
Apologies for how long this is! Just writing it all down makes me see how I’d be better off without her/them in my life.