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Original poster

How do you know s/he is the one?

20 replies

Celeste7 · 10/04/2018 22:29

What are the signs? What to look out for? I'm in a relationship for 3 1/2 years now. I think I love him, well I know I'd love him but he hurt me so so many times. But I think o hurt him too, lots of times... he is sometimes everything I wish for and sometimes a careless tw*t... I love him, I hate him, I overthink it... I might have ruined it or just trying to save the unsaveable...

OP posts:
Choosegopse · 10/04/2018 22:31

So many doubts mean he’s not the one...

blackmirror1 · 10/04/2018 22:35

No such thing as 'the one'

SingingSands · 10/04/2018 22:38

If you have to ask...

Daffodils8 · 10/04/2018 22:43

I think sometimes you just have to trust your gut instinct. I don't know your relationship but I was in a relationship for 6 years, it was okay, we had lots of fun etc but I started to have doubts about whether he was 'the one' etc. I felt like I wasn't myself when I was with him and he didn't seem to always respect what I needed from a partner and could be quite selfish

When I decided to leave, it was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do as he didn't understand why as in his words he hadn't beaten me up or cheated on me.

I'm not going to lie, it was so so hard but a couple of years down the line, I am 1000% sure that it was the right decision. I am now with a man that makes me so happy every single day, he makes me feel like I'm always the best version of myself and he respects me. He also has a new girlfriend and from what I've heard, he's happy too.

I'm not going to tell you what to do as I think people have to make their own choices, but in my case, I took a leap of faith hoping that I would be happier and I am so pleased that I did.

Take your time with the decision though, sometimes we have to trust ourselves but it's scary!

windchimesabotage · 10/04/2018 22:45

I dont think there is just one 'one'.... but I do think 'you just know'

I knew for certain I wanted to marry my husband (I actually knew it from the first time I met him)
But that doesnt mean he doesnt annoy me sometimes or things always go well. It just means that deep down I know without a doubt that I love him. If its the love you are doubting then I dont think this is one of your 'ones'!

Mintychoc1 · 10/04/2018 22:55

He's hurt you, you've hurt him - he's not the one. Move on. This isn't how love should be.

Original poster
Celeste7 · 10/04/2018 23:01

I really don't know. Sometimes I feel like this is it we are in the right track, everything goes well plans, banter, travelling, sex literally everything! And then it turnes... up and down... sometimes I could swear it's going great and sometimes I'm questioning what even we are doing together. And it's one of those moments ... If I would have written in one of our good moments it'd be a total different story. I could not imagine my life without him but on the other hand is he the one if we are so drastically up and down

OP posts:
VetOnCall · 10/04/2018 23:03

he hurt me so so many times. But I think o hurt him too, lots of times

I don't really believe in 'the one' but that ^ is how you know that something really isn't working and isn't right for either of you.

Llamallann · 10/04/2018 23:07

Total cliche but when you know, you know.

Prestonsflowers · 10/04/2018 23:09

If it’s so drastically up and down then he’s probably not the one.
If you love someone then you wouldn’t hurt them deliberately

Original poster
Celeste7 · 10/04/2018 23:13

I don't hurt him deliberately and I don't think he would ever hurt me on purpose. I never said we do it deliberately. It's just up and down... and I just want a strong relationship

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 10/04/2018 23:41

I think your idea of love is warped.

Think about this concept of "the one". How big the world is, how many millions of people exist. If there was only one romantic partner for you in all these people and this massive planet, the odds of you actually meeting them are bordering non-existent.

And yet people couple up all the time. So there must be lots of possible "ones", yes?

I don't think this particular one is your long term one. I think he's the one you'll look back on when you are older and wiser and think, thank goodness I got over that idiotic romantic delusion before I wasted any more of my youth in an unhappy relationship.

losingmymindiam · 10/04/2018 23:43

Depends on what you both did to hurt each other. What is hurtful to one person is intolerable for another eg infidelity. If it is just up and down in terms of getting on each other's nerves then that is normal - relationships do take a bit of work.

trojanpony · 10/04/2018 23:51

Honestly...He doesn’t sound like the one

Shoxfordian · 11/04/2018 06:05

It doesn't have to be this difficult

DumbleDee · 11/04/2018 06:40

Don't believe in The One. I've met The one 4 times now.

Ohyesiam · 11/04/2018 06:43

When it feels completely natural and simple and straightforward and right. It’s a deep down solid sense of just knowing.

Ohyesiam · 11/04/2018 06:45

That doesn’t mean he isn’t really irritating sometimes after 16 years though.

pigpoglet · 11/04/2018 06:51

If he has hurt you loads of times he isn't a nice person let alone the one . My dh has never hurt me in 25 years .
Imagine if you have small children and everything is stressful is your partner going to be nice to you then . Doesn't sound like it tbh .

ShatnersWig · 11/04/2018 08:30

I was with my ex for 11 years. We never hurt each other so many times; we only ever had one argument. Unless you thrive on tempestuous relationships (some people do, I don't understand that myself) I don't see the point of you two being together, I really don't.

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