I'm not exactly looking for advice, although it would be greatly appreciated. It's more that I just wanted to "talk" about this situation I'm in, and there isn't really anyone I can turn to right now.
I am a student in my early twenties, currently spending a semester in a university abroad. Shortly after arriving I met a local man in his late twenties who is also a student at the university. I was instantly attracted to him and shockingly he was attracted to me too. We've been dating exclusively ever since and it's been amazing.
A few days later, he told me that he thought we made a good couple, and that if we were still together a month or so later, he would probably ask me to be his girlfriend. However, a week or two after that, he told me very apologetically that our relationship could never be serious, as I will have to go back to the UK in a few months and complete my degree, and he has to stay here to complete his. (The two countries are extremely far apart so there would be no possibility of visiting for a weekend, etc.) Obviously I was upset, but I understood and respected the reason he gave.
The problem is that it turned out not to be the real reason. A few days later, he told me he's sworn off relationships in order to protect himself, after his ex, who he "really loved", dumped him. This happened four years ago. She got married about a month before I met him, and he says that he still loves her but that her marriage has made him finally accept that it's over. Now, I'd previously seen pictures of them together and it had made me feel sick to see the way he was looking at her in them. It had also confused me, as he is incredibly good looking and she is very average indeed. In frustration, I told him she couldn't possibly be that special. He admitted that she wasn't. Apparently, she was "a mean person" and "really bad at sex" (I'm baffled as to how he could think she was the love of his life if this was the case), not to mention the fact that she dumped him completely unexpectedly when he was going through an extremely difficult time in his family life. But he "couldn't help who he loved".
I then admitted that I have feelings for him and he told me he didn't feel the same way. That hurt a lot, but I said I didn't have any expectations and just wanted to have a nice time with him, and he was happy about that.
Since then, I feel like we've got closer and I've been falling more and more in love with him. We just went away for the weekend with some other people and had a really great time. However, when we got back on Sunday night, he said he had the impression that I thought we were a couple now (not true) and wanted to remind me that we weren't. He told me he cares about me, considers me a great friend, loves spending time with me, and thinks the sex is really good. But he's not serious about me. Okay...
It just hurts because I'm an extremely affectionate person and so is he. He is by far the most affectionate partner I've had and he's said the same thing about me. And he is so sweet and caring with me that sometimes I feel like he must love me too. I couldn't imagine being like that with someone I wasn't serious about...
The good thing is that I saw him again yesterday briefly, and we had a nice conversation and a laugh together. I'm glad things aren't awkward between us. I suppose all I can do is appreciate what we have and try not to dwell too much on his refusal to commit.
Well, that's the way things are and I feel a bit better for having written it down. Sorry for such a long post, and thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it all!