Ex not paying maintenance towards our daughter

[Beautifulbridie]

I am not sure what to do. My ex and I wanted to stay out of the courts when we divorced. He promised he would provide financial help for our daughter but now he says he lied. He’s moved abroad so I am wondering if is too late to take legal action,

Is he in the EU? Do you have a court order for maintenance?

Lots of info here:
www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad

Open a CMS claim. It's not too late assuming your child is under 18. It will depend on the country he's going to and whether or not they have reciprocity with the UK. If it's the US then it's state by state.

If he's already abroad you are unlikely to get a court order that you can enforce, but it depends where he is and who he's working for.

I would phone cms (child maintenance service) and I think there's one called child maintenance options and they can advice you hope that helps

He’s not working at all so no employer to go through

Then there's nothing you can do, since you can only claim for a proportion of his income.

Yes he should be providing for your daughter, but by the sound of it, he is deliberately evading his responsibilities by moving abroad & becoming unemployed.

It might be worth a go via the CMS before he leaves the country, but a long shot.

TBH save yourself the angst of trying to chase a phantom.
Build a life for yourself & your DD without the hassle of arguing over every payment from him.

Makes me mad that they can get away with this.

How do you expect to get maintenance if he isn't working?

We split everything so he has enough to help

Sadly OP it's a fact that as soon as money is discussed even the most seemingly amicable divorce can get nasty. Some men just can't see they are paying for a share of their own child's upkeep, they see it as going to you.

Good luck with the fight but you might find it better for your mental health to try & cope without factoring in any Maintenance from him then if any is forthcoming it's a bonus.

(One tip I would give having learnt the hard way. Make it all about the child, work out costs of clothing, shoes, coats, school trips, etc & suggest a monthly amount with a detailed breakdown he can't argue with. Get a shit hot lawyer with family experience & see what happens.)

I have been extremely fair with him and he has really acted out of order and I feel very disrespectful. He wants contact with her but to provide zero financial assistance which I think is wrong. Thanks for the tip I think I will break down the costs and give it to him. I am even willing to give him receipts but I think he will not pay as it suits him.

'Can you tell me why you want to see her, if you don't care about her enough to provide for her? If you loved her and cared about her, you would make sure you were part of looking after her along with me. So I can only assume from your abandoning her like this that you don't care. So can you explain why you want to see a child you dislike enough to abandon financially? I'm finding it so confusing. It's also going to be so difficult explaining to her that you refuse to support her, if you want to stay in touch - so you need to think about how you will answer to her on that too. Perhaps you could write it down...?'

Broken record, every time he brings up contact. Heap on the shame.

Oh pls contact and maintenance aren't linked! Children aren't pay per view. If he wants to see his kid he shouldn't be stopped. And I say that as soneone whose ex doesn't pay a penny for 4 kids.

Children aren't pay per view

No, but they also can't survive on thin air. They cost money to feed and clothe.

Oh I'm not saying he shouldn't see her. At all. You are quite right, contact and maintenance are not and should not be linked. Yes, he should see her. It's her right (not his, by the way - hers). Her right is to know her father.

BUT. Everything I say above, too. As well. Yes, he asks for contact, contact should be arranged. But you bloody well shame him, and shame him, while that contact is being arranged. And let him know that you know, and she will know, that he wants to play Daddy but wangle out of one of the most crucial parts of actually BEING a proper parent. He wants to keep his money for himself and see her go without. So yes, contact. Fine. But while you're here, on the phone, arranging that contact, can you tell me something, maybe something I can write down for when she aasks in the future, why you won't support her financially? How do you square that with wanting contact? Will you be looking her in the eye when you visit for your contact and you know she has less support than she should, because of you? Do you feel ashamed? What do I tell my family, and friends, when they ask how contact is going - because of course it's very hard to explain to people that you want to see her and do the easy bits but you want to keep your money for yourself, as if you didn't even have a child to support. Embarrassing - perhaps you can come up with a good excuse?'

Shame shame shame him.

My children have managed to "survive" without contribution from ex and I have 4. As do many other children whose ex is a useless deadbeat. Yes it's shit that he doesn't pay but it shouldn't be linked to contact.

How will he see her if he is abroad?

Starlught . Exactly

Ghaaaaaa tired typos sorry Starlight

Yes I'm confused about how he expects to see her IF he's living abroad on fresh air ..

I'm not convinced he's away anywhere OP

To OP

Child Maintenance is based on NRP Gross UK Taxable Income. Variations for Assets are no longer entertained by CMS under the 2012 Scheme.

Contact and Maintenance are different issues. Seems to be a common myth that if father is not paying they have no right to see their child.

Are you sure he is abroad? Did he say where he has gone? Or are you just taking his word for it?

If you know his National Insurance Number you may be able to find out if he is still working in the UK.

Suggest you make an application to CMS. However, if you do not have a contact address for your ex it may stall the process.

Meanwhile make sure you receive all the benefits you are entitled to. Child Benefit, Child Tax Credits, Childcare, Working Tax Credits, Housing Benefits, etc.

Just as men can stop women moving with the kids, women should be able to block men from moving. Either kids need their dads or they don’t.

This is one reason I'm so glad I took so long to divorce my ExH.
He did the same.
Moved abroad. I let him keep my share of one of the properties over there.
He blew it all in a matter of months and stopped paying me anything.
Arsehole.
So after 5 years I basically got everything else.

I didn't know how to go about getting maintenance from him while he was in another country, living off grid basically, so I just didn't bother.
My DD doesn't see him now.
She saw through him and he's done some awful things.
She's 20 and can't stand him or his lies.

I've no idea what to suggest as I just couldn't do anything to get any money from mine.
The way men can just walk away with no responsibilities at all, gives me the fucking rage!!!!

Even if he isn't working then still raise a child maintenance case against him, he will be liable for back payment from the date the case is opened even if he is unemployed. If he truly is abroad then even if they can't get him overseas, they will as soon as he is employed again in the uk and he will be liable from the date you contact the maintainance service.

To OP

Look at the link:

www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad