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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Newly split & Ex keeps telling kids how sad he is that he's not allowed to live at home

1 reply

TheBrilloPad · 09/04/2018 23:14

We have a 4 yr old & a 2 yr old, and ExH moved out a month ago, due to years of ongoing issues with his drinking/drug use/gambling. I'm very secure in this decision and don't want him back, but as I have taken him back so so many times before, ExH believes I can be convinced and he can talk me round again.

The 2 yr old is generally oblivious. 4yr old is a very emotionally aware and sensitive little thing. She comes home from seeing ExH and says things like "Daddy is so sad, why can't he live at home anymore", or draws pictures of him with a sad face and says "I have drawn Daddy sad because he doesn't live with us now". FWIW she has never indicated that she is sad at this (he was always hands off and quite useless), just that it upsets her that her daddy is sad.

I spoke to him and asked him to stop saying things to her. He says he doesn't say anything to her to indicate he is sad (I don't know if I believe this), but that she just must be picking up on his emotions. He sees them for two evenings a week, and one day at the weekend, always out of the house, but he has been here once to watch them.

When she brings it up I try and move on like "Daddy isn't sad, silly. Mummy and daddy both love you very much and Daddy has a whole new house to himself now which is exciting" or somesuch, but I don't really know if I'm addressing the issue right - both with ExH and with DD. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
AjasLipstick · 10/04/2018 00:25

She could just be processing this...it sounds like you're handling it well OP. There's no real way to know at the moment if he IS playing on her emotions because she's so young.

The best course of action is to watch carefully for any mood changes she may have before or after contact.

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