When is enough?

[foreverday]

I've started talking to my ex and tonight he's left when meant to be staying
We've been together 3 years, split up a couple of months ago which I thought was the end
He got back in contact, saying he with as sorry, he's changed so it felt right to let him show me rather than ignore or get back together
So tonight we've had dinner, was having a cuddle in bed when I turned over as he said I was too hot...as I felt myself drifting off he said we haven't even kissed tonight? So I said I'm almost asleep, so what if we haven't?
With that he got up and left?!
He had his stuff and lunch for next day so rather than say oh please don't go like I would normally I packed his lunch and let him out
Sitting here thinking what the hell just happened ?!
We are supposed to be talking and seeing if we can get ourselves back on track and he just leaves?

Sounds like now is enough. Much too hard work to be worth it.

I'm a bit baffled to be honest
But I think he thinks I'm going to get straight back to how we used to be but he really really hurt me so am I wrong for wanting to take things slower rather than snogging his face off ?!
We have slept together it's not as though I'm saying I wanna take it slow just mean that I'm still hurt and trying to accept what's happened
Is like it's all on his terms and I just want some understanding that what we are doing is enough?
This isn't healthy or normal right?
I've spent almost 4 years with someone that argues at least once a month, has bad moods and the reasons we split were his bad moods
Do I need to be calling this a day ?
I'm miserable and I thought he would be trying to reassure me and be there for me
All he's done is the opposite

You have dinner and a cuddle in bed, he thinks his luck is in and he's going to get a shag but you're falling asleep. He gets in a strop and leaves. Have I got that right?

Sorry to be harsh but sounds like "I have changed" actually meant "I haven't had sex for ages and think this is the way to get some".

Well yeah that's the kind of it in a nutshell
He was being touchy feely all night and I didn't feel right
Like he laid on me and said play with my hair and I just didn't want to
I've told him we need to talk about stuff before we jump back into a relationship which he was ok with

It's the fact he left....like any sort of disagreement he's off
Just a shame it happened over him
Saying we haven't had a kiss all night
So fucking what ?!?!?

And we have had sex so it's not even that
It's how he handled the situation by fucking leaving ?!
We are not seeing each other every day so he should be making the most of it and trying to make it up to me right?!

Past behaviour is always the biggest indicator of future behaviour. Find a responsible adult with integrity and virtue to open your heart to. You have nothing solid to build a relationship on here - it will be impossible to develop trust, the foundation of all relationships.

mrsnoon called it - sounds like he just wanted to get his dick wet, and he thought you might bite. What a tool! Fuck him!

Affirmation: You have higher standards than this, and you will not allow people to treat you like that and still have a relationship with you. You can do better than this dickhead.

And I suggest you stop hanging out with him. It's bad for your mental health and sense of self worth.

He's an ex for a reason; sounds like nothing's changed about his moods. Listen to New Rules by Dua Lipa and stop seeing him.

When you split was it a relief not to be around his moods & arguing?
Because if so, I'd let him go for good.

Secondly, when you get back with someone it's meant to be a bit of a honeymoon period - best behaviour etc. Is this the best he can do?

You're bound to miss anyone you've been with for 4 years, but dealing with huffing & stropping is exhausting.

You said earlier in the thread that you're miserable. I think that's your answer. He's supposed to be enhancing your life but he's doing the opposite and instead going off in huffs (which tbf I'm always suspicious of if they're not willing to keep lines of communication open) when you didn't reciprocate his advances. Trust your gut and good luck.

I had a feeling this is the advice I might get but I just needed to confirm I guess

It's been a few weeks and already we've bickered a handful of times
I know in my head it's not night and it ended so badly that I'm not even sure why I felt the need to give it another go

He was angry and has had one anger management class since we split...I don't even think he's taken that seriously, he never does

I think people can change but him i doubt

After him walking out last night I really was in disbelief

Yes it should be the honeymoon period again

Astonished you needed to ask. Blatantly obvious I'd have said unless you like shit relationships or constant drama.

foreverday sometimes we go back to a relationship because it's better to be able to think 'we tried' than be left wondering 'what if'; especially when they're saying all the things you need to hear.

I agree that people can change, but this guy hasn't even managed a month.

Thanks everyone apart from one poster 🙁

He's got anger problems which was enough to leave. I love him and want him to sort himself out so I thought by taking it back to basics then he will realise that he is going to lose something good - someone who loves him
This post reads like it's all about sex, it isn't or I didn't mean it to be, it's just the way he deals with things
And yes maybe I just need to realise he won't change
He has hurt me a lot and there is a lot of damage so maybe he won't be able to make things better anyway
I'm just a bit confused which was why I was giving him time to prove to me