Help with online dating as a single mum

[Pez82]

I have a baby daughter that I've had on my own using a donor as the clock was ticking and having a baby had become my number 1 priority. As a result I have put all dating activity aside for the past 18 months and I'm now starting to warm up to the idea of meeting someone who can hopefully fit into my life as a single parent.

Do you recommend any dating sites that are good for parents? Or do you think I should just go onto the normal websites and meet childless men too? I just think it might be easier to meet someone who understands the responsibilities that come with parenting and who would be more flexible when it comes to dating but maybe I'm wrong and shouldn't restrict my options. I will be going back to work full time in the summer and can't really deal with time wasters.

Any success stories, experiences or tips you could share please?

Online parent sites not sure take it from someone who has been there and designed the t shirt.

Be very careful there are men out here who will specifically target single mom's, they will tell you everything you want to hear, shag you and when call you a pathetic bit.

There are also quite a few psychos out here so pls stay off sites like pof, far too many women have been murdered or assaulted by men they met on pof and match.com

Just be very very careful most men on dating sites are not sincere.

There are also quite a few psychos out here so pls stay off sites like pof, far too many women have been murdered or assaulted by men they met on pof and match.com

You could equally say the same about women who have met men through work, friends, family, or randomly in the supermarket.

The best thing to do to protect yourself against both time wasters and potentially dangerous men is to educate yourself about red flags and make your boundaries as strong as possible.

I always recommend "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Boeker for any woman.

I have used multiple sites but prefer OKCupid above any others. Having a similar political value is important to me and the personality quizzes allow you to weed out the guys who think gay marriage is wrong and all the "forriners" should be send back!

But have a go on all the sites and see which one you prefer.

Apparently you shouldn't tell people you have a child straight away on old as apparently some men target single mothers. (No experience in it though.)

As a single mum who's getting back into dating. I currently use Tinder and POF.
Like another user said, you do have to watch out for red flags - things like a guy being very sexual in his chat with you. There are so many more - you may just have a gut feeling that a person isn't right for you, and in that case unmatch or block and move on. You don't have to meet with anyone, and you don't have to continue chatting to anyone either.
Every guy you talk to will ask for your number, so be selective with who you actually give it out to. Most will also want to meet asap, you'll see the 'i'm not looking for a pen pal' comment on a lot of bios - in my opinion that's a guy who's just looking for a quick thing - not exactly looking to get to know you.

I wouldn't put up any photos of you and your child (SO many people do this), but I would DEFINITELY say in your bio that you are a single mum. However, I wouldn't be comfortable talking much with any stranger about my kids. If I found someone was constantly asking me about my child, that would also be a red flag.

I wouldn't specifically target other single parents, but you do have that in common. So far I have found that I've not dated anyone else with children. In a way it's easier, as they do have more availability for seeing you than other single parents do.

The main thing is, don't take things to heart. There are a lot of flakey people online, a lot of conversations that go nowhere. A lot of potential guys who turn out to be completely different to who you think they are. Be prepared to spend a lot of time weeding out the frogs from the princes (seems to be mainly frogs to be honest haha.) But have fun with it! :) x

Go and find the dating thread - so much good advice and experience on it.

I used POF and didn't meet any murderers or psychos. You just need to date safely. Meet for a coffee, or a quick drink in a public place, don't share any details about where you live etc on a first date. Tell someone where you are going - all that kind of sensible stuff.

I have had no trouble getting dates as a single mum, I've used bumble and tinder and I've met men in work situations etc. I put that I'm a parent in my profile and usually bring my dc up naturally in conversation.
I would say - don't restrict your options - I dated one lovely single parent but our free time was difficult to match and I dated one lovely childless man who was really flexible and fit himself around my time but in the end I couldn't imagine introducing him to my dc.
You have to be picky and have high standards and be ultra aware of red flags.

Can I ask why single mums always label themselves. Can't you just say your 'single'.

Because I would want to know if someone I'm dating or considering dating has dc. It's not a label...it's more like a particular stage in life that has its own needs.

Thank you all so much for your useful tips. Some really good advice in there.
I definitely wouldn't use pictures of me and my DC, I'm already avoiding putting too many pictures of her on social media.
Going to dates will take a lot of organising so I'll definitely be careful and watch for red flags. I think it will take some time until I take the leap but in the meantime I'm opening myself to the idea...

Ive ticked the box saying i dont have kids to put of guys that target single mums. And dont talk about being a parent straight away,

I would be up front about having children as I would be annoyed if someone lied on their profile about something as fundamental as that. Some women go on in their profile about their children coming first in their life and so on, which is unnecessary as most men would assume that anyway. Yes, there are weirdos out there but whilst I wouldn't show photos, I would admit to having children. Most men are useless rather than dangerous!! Just joking - I know most men are genuine..

Absolutely agree with Jaybee99 - because having kids is a big no to a lot of men. I originally didn't mention I had kids, but then found every guy who spoke to me stopped when I told them. Be upfront, doesn't mean you have to talk about them or share any information, but you'd want to know something like that from someone you're dating surely.

I'm not surprised meow I actually think the vast majority of men would be put off women with kids (maybe not if they have their own aswell) but that's just what I read on here. I haven't used online dating myself.

It is a minority but it is true that some paedophiles prey on single mothers. It is always advised you don’t mention you are a single parent until you have actually met and got a feel for them. This is what I always did. A couple of men decided the situation wasn’t for them- fair enough but most were absolutely fine about it.

Oh and it’s worth noting I obviously never let them meet my DC! You should never allow that until you are serious.