Disloyal?

[BumpleLeeds]

Hi,

I have a friend who I don't see that often anymore (she lives a few hundred miles away), but we used to live in the same town and be very close - and we still call each other very good friends. She regularly says I'm her best friend.

We stopped off to visit her and her husband on the way home from a trip last week (just a couple of hours, but something that I always like to do if I have the chance of a catch up).

During the visit, she made fun of me to my son. I'm very sensitive/uncomfortable about a certain physical feature (won't detail here as I want to be as anonymous as possible) and it's something that I haven't discussed with her (and she's never mentioned it before, though I'd be surprised if she didn't know how embarrassed I am about it). She basically told my son that he should be grateful that he hadn't inherited the same physical feature. And she said this in front of my partner and her husband while laughing heartily. The subject was changed quickly by my partner, who knows that this would have embarrassed me.

I'm a bit shocked that she would do this to be honest. And I do feel that this wasn't done innocently. The more I think about it, the more angry I am that she would try to belittle me in front of not just our respective partners, but my own child. I will say something to her - we've been friends for too long for me to just ghost her - but I would welcome other viewpoints before I start a row!

TIA

YANBU at all, unless it's something she possibly didn't realise you were insensitive about, or maybe thought you liked about yourself?

For example 'you're lucky you didn't inherit your mother's nose!' If you have a huge nose, nasty. To a teen daughter 'you're lucky you didn't inherit your mum's boobs!' If you have big breasts that have caused you problems.

But, I trust you that you would be able to tell which it is, and that for her to have upset you like this means she really was out of order.

Before you approach her, have you thought about what outcome you want from her?

Tell her she was insensitive and upset you.

LimonViola it was definitely in line with your first example. And yes, I think it was done with nasty intent.

I'm not sure what outcome I want, but don't think I can leave it (even though I'd rather not draw attention to something that I'm so sensitive about). In my adult life I've never had anyone make fun of this - it's something that stopped in the playground

I imagine that bringing it up would feel painful too.

If she's a good friend and decent person. At this stage I'd be trying to give her the benefit of the doubt that she genuinely didn't realise you were sensitive about the feature, some people act more jokey and some people's humour is very revolved around making fun of each other (in a good natured way) like making jokes about someone losing their hair or being short. If this is her first time being like this I would approach it with a 'I don't think you realised but this upset me/please don't do it again in the future'.

Maybe they have been together for longer than 22 years rather than the op being 13 years older than him.

This is a very precarious position to be in. There’s no house for assets and he could have been hiding money for a long time.

Was his income in previous years able to meet the bills and rent because of it was what has happened to the money from the sale of the house?

£750 a month when you’ve got grown up children is very good.
You may be awarded some spousal maintenance but even if you are this is likely to be for a certain period of time while you retrain or whatever, working towards a clean break. However as you work full time already you may not be awarded anything.

Technically as your children are grown, he could stop paying at any time.

Omg sorry! Totally wrong thread