Relationship

[Mikey88]

Hi
Just wanted to hear thoughts over this subject
Been together 18 years married for 13 and 3 kids ‘recently diagnosed with a terminal illness in the last 7 months .the first couple of months seemed as normal as they could be despite obvious sadness and shock ‘the last 5 months my wife is very distant doesn’t show me any emotion no hugs we don’t kiss or rarely make love I have brought this subject up numerous times but nothing changes ‘a few things have been said by her which have hurt me such as (you can sleep with who you like now ) .
My mood has remained positive as I have a moral obligation to stay positive for my kids and not screw them up and also because i think a positive outlook helps your health as good as possible ‘I recently reviewed her user history (not something I normally do but due to how she’s behaving needed to check) and she has been looking up sexually transmitted diseases which seems very strange.
Just wanted to hear from people I don’t know there honest thoughts.
Thanks

Sorry to hear your news.

I guess it's hard to know for sure, but it sounds a bit like it took a few months for the reality to sink in, and she is now protecting herself. Gradually distancing herself so it hurts less at the end.

The browsing history is a little odd - but maybe it's related to what she said to you about being able to sleep with other people and she thinks you might? Seems an odd thing to think though.

Hi
Yeah I thought maybe a self protection coping mechanism but still unsure ‘as for her thoughts about me with someone else I said straight away I never have wanted to so why would I start now ‘my main concern is this is affecting my mood and I am determined to stay upbeat but somedays it’s very hard to do when she’s acting that way ,thanks for your comments x

Who has the terminal illness - you or your wife?

Hi
It’s me who is terminal

When my dad was terminal he was only given a few weeks/ months to live. My mum pushed him away because it seemed like it would have been easier for her. She also resented him and still does 4 years later for leaving her. There could be several different reasons for it but try to stay positive and I'm very sorry to hear your news

I wouldn’t worry about the browsing history if it’s just googling stuff. I found myself googling sexual transmitted diseases after reading something on here not so long ago and I can assure you I haven’t cheated just was interested in something someone said.

I suspect she’s struggling. Maybe find a counsellor she can talk to rather than withdrawing into herself.

Yeah
That seems to be what I am thinking ‘I just worry she will regret this time when she looks back and could of spent the time doing things together as a family.
Thanks for your comments

Have you posted about this before OP?

I'm sorry for your diagnosis

I'm so sorry about your diagnosis have you spoken to her about what's going on? Have you both Chettle about your health and what is happening. She might not be coping. Also there are many reasons she could have been googling that try not let your mind run away just yet.

Hi
Yeah it could be totally innocent ‘we have spoken many times but after a short time things go back to the same ‘councilng has been mentioned but not sure if can fix it

I think that your wife is struggling with your diagnosis. She is distancing herself to protect herself. This is a hard time for her and she will be left behind and is quite clearly using coping mechanisms.
I don’t know how you can get around it. Maybe tell her how you feel about her and wanting to enjoy every last minute you have together. I know she will regret it if she doesn’t change her behaviour now.
The googling could be paranoia, curiosity anything. It’s difficult to understand that one.

I'm so sorry op. It does sound like your wife is steeling herself to you not being around anymore.