How can I find love?

[cxsankj]

Hi,

I'm a 38 year old single man who isn't exactly prime relationship material. Ever since I was a child, my health has been very poor. Clinicians are at a loss as to what exactly is wrong with me, though diagnoses of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome have been tentatively proposed. Symptoms include frequent, debilitating headaches, joint pain, fatigue, attacks of vomiting and IBS sometimes resulting in days of prostration. One other symptom is erectile dysfunction. I can't 'perform' no matter what I do. I have tried the little blue pills but I react to them with vomiting and diarrhoea (which is something of a passion killer).

Furthermore, due to my health problems I am having to work part-time in a very low level job and have no money. I am in no way concerned about looks, but I want to meet someone clever who is interested in the same things as me. Education is the one area in which I have been able to achieve, with two degrees and an MA to my name so far. Without wishing to sound like a snob, I would love to share my life with someone with similar intellectual sensibilities. However, when I go on to dating sites and check out the profiles of the kind of women I want to meet, they have successful careers. I know I shouldn't feel like this or jump to conclusions, but I have an image of the kind of man these kind of women are interested in - and it isn't me!

My world has shrunk to a few old friends and the people at the shop where I work. They are all very nice but there is no one like me.

I feel close to giving up and resigning myself to a loveless life. From a woman's perspective, what could be the answer?

Your post doesn’t give much of a sense of what positives you would bring to a relationship. Think about what your strengths are and play to those. If your health allows it, maybe try some new meetup groups or hobbies - cinema maybe or a book club? Not just with a view to romance but to expand your social circle. Good luck.

I agree with pp. List the wonderful things you can bring to a relationship - loyalty, honesty, humour, deep affection, love etc. Yes there will be women for whom you're not their cup of tea but equally some will find your strengths very attractive.

Go along to meet up's and join forums from the open university- there are other fellow academics who may also not be as able-bodied as they would like (sounds flippant, didn't mean it to- it is early!)- hence why studying at home. There will be plenty of people out there looking for companionship/friendship- which could lead to more.