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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Really keen guy - how to nicely break contacf

58 replies

Flampingu · 08/04/2018 23:27

I met a guy who asked me out for a drink. He seemed nice enough so I said yes. However, since then he has bombarded me with texts and asked me out a further three times despite me saying yes already.
If I don’t reply he then texts another 3 or 4 times and is eager for me to commit to chat over text later which is a bit odd. I just reply to texts when I pick my phone up, I don’t set times! I’ve been told several times I’m pretty which, lovely as it is, I’m finding too full on for a guy I’ve met once. He’s also asked several times if I liked him, I just skirted round it.
I want to extricate myself from this, he’s too full on and it’s really put me off.
How do I politely get out of this? I’m sick of the incessant texts and just want him to back off now.
Please don’t send me to another thread, I just need some advice ☹️

Ps if you’re a daily mail journalist, kindly piss off and find your article for your shite paper elsewhere.

OP posts:
GaraMedouar · 09/04/2018 08:20

As MakeitRain said - send a text now, then it’s over and done with.

SecretTerf · 09/04/2018 08:22

Oh, and if he’s a work contact then you can still block him. He can interact with you via email if he really needs to.

I was being harassed like this years ago by someone (a woman, actually!) in my company and it stopped when I threatened to take her messages to HR and complain about inappropriate use of work email and phone resources.

If it’s a work phone you have the power to say to him that this is an inappropriate use of it, and to get HR or someone to back you up on that. If it’s a personal number then a work acquaintance can’t possibly need to have it.

EweDoEwe · 09/04/2018 08:27

“The frequency and amount of texts you are sending me has made me feel very uncomfortable. I’ve decided not to go for a drink with you. Please don’t contact me again”.

That should do it.

Moltenpink · 09/04/2018 08:32

Brings back memories of a date I went on. Nice guy, had a good time and I genuinely was looking forward to meeting up again.

Next day I didn’t check my phone for a few hours... found 10+ texts, starting friendy, turning desperate then finally name calling & dumping me! Bullet dodged.

missbonita · 09/04/2018 08:33

Women are conditioned not to be rude to men, but if you are direct and blunt it feels very refreshing. This is common behaviour - many men do it and some do it multiple women at once. Sometimes they are extremely nasty when you ask them to stop. Just send a text saying on reflection you don’t want to meet and then block him.

Lottapianos · 09/04/2018 08:38

'The frequency and amount of texts you are sending me has made me feel very uncomfortable. I’ve decided not to go for a drink with you. Please don’t contact me again”. '

This sounds perfect. Clear and direct. Do it OP and move on. He sounds awful

MonkeyPoke · 09/04/2018 08:52

Eugh, nobody likes a cling on.

"Sorry Jeff, your constant texting is really off putting. I'm no longer available for a date. Please do not reply to this message."

Footle · 09/04/2018 10:41

user112, why do you advise the OP to lie? How is that going to help the situation?

ErrmWTAF · 09/04/2018 11:12

I'm liking these messages, and it's important to get it across that he's bothering you now. The only change I would make is to drop the "please".

Not to be impolite, but because I learned in teacher training that "please" diminishes your firmness, makes it more like it's the other guy's choice. Whereas saying "blah blah ..., thank you" makes it more like a foregone conclusion.

And I'd drop the "sorry" too.

"Jeff, the quantity and content of your texts has made me very uncomfortable, and need you to stop contacting me [about anything non-work related]. I trust I won't have to tell you this again[, or escalate it with HR]. Thanks."

PrettyLittIeThing · 09/04/2018 11:21

Have you actually told him you are not interested? If not major overreaction by pp suggesting you call the police, they will want to know if you've actually told him not to contact you aswell.

Original poster
Flampingu · 09/04/2018 11:49

Don’t worry pretty, no intention of phoning the police or HR for that matter. He’s now quietened down since this mornings initial flurry so there is a chance he has got the message from how little I’m responding. If he starts up again I’ll be sending one of the suggested messages. Currently I don’t want to kick the hornets nest.

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 09/04/2018 12:46

Someone DH and I know does this every single time. He starts talking to someone on line and within a day or two, he's fucked it up by bombarding the poor woman with dozens of texts before she's even had her cornflakes so, of course, she loses all interest and either disappears or tries to save his feelings by saying she's busy with work etc, and he gets upset and swears he's never going to do OLD again. Until two days later when he's repeating the same cycle.

Every single time he asks everyone he knows where he's going wrong and everyone tells him, reminding him of how freaked out he was when a woman did it to him. But it's like talking to a brick wall. He listens, he agrees, he asks for tips on how to go slowly, he says he understands and then he goes and does exactly the same thing all over again. He is so incredibly desperate to be in a relationship and thinks that this is the way to do it.

I think that if your hornets nest starts up again, the best thing to say would be what a couple of other posters have suggested; 'Initially I was happy to text and get to know you, but your excessive levels of messaging have made me feel quite uncomfortable and I no longer have any interest in anything other than a professional relationship.' Be blunt and leave no room for doubt that you don't want to hear from him again.

Wollstonecraft1 · 09/04/2018 12:57

I had this and it was incredibly invasive. I was glad he didn't know where I lived. I cancelled the schedule drinks and blocked him. When someone shows you who they are, listen.

JiminyBillyBob · 09/04/2018 13:10

I get why blocking him may be awkward but I suspect it will come to that.

Original poster
Flampingu · 09/04/2018 13:25

Still quiet which is good. I suspect I will too, I don’t work in the same business so it’s not like we’ll bump into each other.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 09/04/2018 13:31

weird... Hmm

Original poster
Flampingu · 09/04/2018 13:32

How so Gemini?

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 09/04/2018 13:37

why has he suddenly stopped texting... he might just be busy Hmm maybe there's a pattern to the texting.. he's bored and looks for you ... like the late late night texting.. does he not sleep... Flowers

PrettyLittIeThing · 09/04/2018 13:37

Good honestly it would be a total waste of police time. I would be changing my number/blocking his before calling the police.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/04/2018 13:41

I think you need to put your big girl pants on and just let him know that you're not interested, it's the polite (and adult) thing to do.

Or at this rate you will end up on a date.

Original poster
Flampingu · 09/04/2018 13:41

I suspect it’s more that he doesn’t use his phone at work, I guess I’ll find out later if it starts up again.

I thought you were troll hunting me Gemini 😂

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 09/04/2018 14:02

eh? good lord no... lol

I was going to say though.. he dos understand boundaries.. when they're his own... ie workplace use of phones.. so he should get it.. when you say back the hell off Flowers

KinkyAfro · 09/04/2018 17:24

If you don't want the texts then either block or tell him to stop. Sounds a bit like you're enjoying the attention, you'd have done something about by now if not

Original poster
Flampingu · 09/04/2018 18:16

Kinky, I’ve had nothing all day thankfully so there’s been nothing to “enjoy” or otherwise.

It’s difficult to read the riot act to someone when they’ve stopped doing what you found so offensive.

There’s no need to be unkind. It’s not in my nature to be so direct, I’ve wound up on dates I really didn’t want to go On in the past because it was easier than being direct.

Thanks for your input.

OP posts:
user1492877024 · 09/04/2018 18:29

kinky

I'm afraid that is exactly the impression I get.