Alcoholism and Spouse

[mm2one]

I am starting to worry my wife might be an alcoholic. She keeps getting smashed drunk every weekend with the mom friends she has made in the neighborhood.. Last weekend. Then this week Thursday and Friday. What's bugging me even more is that she is doing it in front of our kids. I purposely didn't go out on Fri because the crowd isn't my thing plus i don't want to drink so I can keep my weight down and also not waste my weekend being hung over.

I purposely told her before I dropped her off at the place on Friday, take it easy on the drinking, it seems like it's getting out of hand.

Today I find out from my 8 yr old daughter that she and her friends were rolling around in the floor of the house drunk.

At what point does alcohol start to become a real problem in a marriage. ?

Your wife's primary relationship is with drink; its not with you or your child. Its already a problem in the marriage when both your child and you are being affected by their mother's and wife's drinking respectively. You're policing her drinking and your DD is noticing her drunk mother all too clearly. She needs protecting and you have to step up here to do that properly. She cannot afford to grow up thinking that this is normal with her dad doing seemingly nothing proactive to protect her from her mother's alcoholism. If your DD also does say something to her teachers at school they will have to take note of what she says.

You cannot help her but you can and should help your own self. Contacting Al-anon would be a good start for you.

Are you American - I ask only as the words Mom and neighborhood are written in American English.

The 3cs re alcoholism are ones you would do well to remember:-
You did not cause this
You cannot control this
You cannot cure this

I spoke to her about it. She doesn't think she's an alcoholic. She doesn't drink every day. Which is true. But it's also true she is getting wasted drunk pretty much every weekend.

According to her, she's just having fun with the neighbors. My issues stem from that it seems to be increasing since we befriended these people.

I am also worried the kids seeing her drunk frequently. They usually take the kids to someone house and drink until 1 or 3 am. The kids are all between 8 to 13. I am worried the affect this might be having on the kids.

Speaking to her was a waste of time and effort. Denial is commonly seen in alcoholism (as seen in her comment she is having fun with her neighbours) and they do not have to drink everyday either. They don't also all sit on park benches. The alcohol is controlling her rather than the other way around.

It is affecting you as well as your children; her drinking is a problem because you are all becoming affected by her behaviours. You cannot help her but you can and should certainly help your own self here.

Do seek help from Al-anon and legal advice for your own self; you have to be seen to be protecting your children here from their mother's alcoholism.

If you don't go to these parties, can you keep your dc home with you ? You can't control your wife's drinking but you can control how much your children need to be a part of it.

#missmapp, thats what I started doing. Keeping the younger DD home one. Its easy to keep home because there isn't anyone to play with for her at the houses and also because she is younger, she gets tired earlier. I use her as an excuse to not go-- i tell them I have to watch her.

But I usually cant keep the older one DS home because his best friends from school are the kids of the mothers. So he always goes. But then he comes home and tell DD that the women and my wife were rolling around on the floor drunk. So the DD finds out anyway somehow.

No idea what to do. Last night was another kids birthday at another ones house -- and the women got drunk again. This would make it Thursday, Friday and Sunday they they all got drunk last week.