I ended it with a guy because of his insecurities. He was one of the nicest guys I’ve met but also the most insecure. Since the start of dating he had a lot of doubts about me and my past. I admit I had my own insecurities and I revealed too much too early and it made him uncomfortable. But I’m working on my insecurities and I feel that I’m a lot better now.
He thought I was promiscuous because of one of my past hookups (I was single. I did no one harm. It was consensus. I believe I did nothing wrong but he thought because of the randomness of it, i was somehow promiscuous). He felt uncomfortable that I’m an outgoing ambitious young woman trying to get to the top of my industry. He also said he felt uncomfortable that I had to network with a lot of senior people in my industry. It’s a male dominant industry and my role is very client facing. I needed to build up my network, even tho that means sometimes I would get unwanted attention. I am professional and have my integrity and would never do anything inappropriate. I also had my insecure moments where I thought I really wanted boob jobs. I don’t. I guess my insecure self needed some “backup plan” in my mind in case I decide one day I do hate my boobs. He reassured me I’m beautiful but at the same time, he voiced his concern that I would even think about a boob job, multiple times. We went on holiday once. He pointed out that a lot of guys eyeball me and that I should confront them by giving them a harsh look or tell him to stare at them. He just reeks of insecurities.
He knows he is insecure and his doubts are his problems not mine. We argued a lot. A lot of times because i felt that his insecurity made him distance himself emotionally. Slowly, he would start to tell me how he still had doubts about us and that it’s a problem he has to deal with not me. It was so unfair to me because I could only feel shit about it but couldn’t do anything. He felt that there are a lot of differences between us whereas I thought it was all in his head because I could tell his insecurities made him think of me as someone I am not.
So I broke it off with him because I couldn’t deal anymore. I don’t know why I feel sad. I guess it’s because I haven’t liked anyone this much in the past 3 years since my ex. My friends think he is .. a bit of a loser. He’s in his early 30s. No savings no mortgage. No life goals. Bad lifestyle (Broken clothes and shoes). I’m 7 years younger than him but I have a feeling I’m already earning more than him (subtle cues that i picked up). He does have a kind heart (when he’s not insecure) and we had quite a few things in common. I don’t understand why I feel so upset having to end things.
I used to think I needed to go out with a grounded and ambitious guy who shares some of my hobbies and takes care of himself. When I met him, I thought it was ok he’s not ambitious and a bit rough since he treated me very well and I am very attracted to him. My friends said if I continued going out with him, I’d get sick of him eventually because of his lack of goals and bad lifestyle.
Then why do I feel hurt? Am I not loving and respecting myself enough?