Extreme anxiety in relationships?

[ShinyShooney]

Does anyone else get this?

I spend a lot of time worrying that they are going to end things or simply never contact me again.

Tonight it is so bad I haven't been able to eat anything. I only spoke to him 6 hours ago and everything was fine then so it's ridiculous but I have had a panic-y feeling in my stomach for the last 2 hours. We normally talk everyday so it's not like we are permanently connected and 6 hours is unusual. I don't know what's wrong with me, I've been single for ages before this relationship and I'm sure I'm going to mess the whole thing up.

When we spoke 6 hours ago it was very brief and to say we'd talk properly when we were both at our separate homes. He had a thing until half 4 and I called and messaged him at half 5 just to say I was around but no reply. He read the message and nothing. Then at 7 I tried calling again and left another message. I'm not normally such an OTT contacter but he does call and message me if he's bored and I'm not responding so i don;t think he'll find it too much. But now I'm very worried he is ignoring me because he is going to dump me and doesn't want to talk to me.

What's wrong with me, this is not normal. I know he is probably just gone for a drink or chatting with flatmates.

Yep, I know that feeling well. Had it so many times.

What helps me is thinking is this feeling based on what I know - we've argued/there are actual problems in the relationship - or is it based on an unfounded worry - am I imagining problems based on something tenuous like not getting a response to a message.

How long have you been together?

The best way to deal with this kind of anxiety (imo) is to face it head on, even to the point of absurdity and practice being ok with it.

It's possible he will dump you.
It's possible he will never speak to you again.
It's possible he's realized he's gay.
It's possible he's a lizard person.
It's possible he has spontaneously combusted.
It's possible he's taken up with Angelina Jolie.

Any of those things could happen. Potentially.

Do you think you'd survive if one of them did?

If not - then you need to not be in a relationship, regardless of how he feels about you.

If you'd survive - then perhaps it's ok, and the anxiety doesn't mean much?

What are your thoughts on that?

Popcorn It's nice to hear someone else has felt the same! We have been together 6months or so but it is long distance- when lucky we see each other 4/5 nights a month.

I trust him, I don't believe he's a cheater more that he is too good for me and will realise I'm a complete loser or meet someone amazing.

Thank you prize I think what you say makes sense. Yes even if the worst happens, I'll spend a few weeks crying but will be okay. It is just hard when it affects me so much physically- unable to eat or concentrate or do anything productive etc.

Oh I totally understand this, one little thing and it grows arms and legs in your head and you're imagining all sorts of doomsday scenarios
You could try writing down your thoughts and then picking them apart based on what is fact and what is your opinion
If you can then accept that your opinion may be wrong because you are over thinking it may cool your jets a bit
It's so hard though, there's no easy answer

I completely understand how u feel it's a horrible feelin an not one I can shake very easily, I overthink things terrible An notice any slight change in someone an instantly think I have done something wrong An that's gunna be the end of that relationship even though I give my self a list of reasons why he's not replying it doesn't seem to help sorry not really any help to u but just to let u no it's not just u an I'm glad it's not just me lol

Hi there. I know how you are feeling with the anxiety. I suffer with it mostly if im not well and don't know whats wrong. Its under control though. It sounds like you have low self esteem as well if you are thinking he is too good for you or that you are a loser. Tell yourself every day that you are a great person, worthy of love and of having a happy and fulfilling life. Take care.

Yes! I was totally like you. I had hypnotherapy, made it all much better. Now married. If you are near York I can give you a name!

i'm married and we have been together 3 years, i also still get this. I would love if anyone had any advice as its tearing me up. I think its getting worse and my partner does not cause it, i know its my issue entirely but want to fix it so i dont push him away.