It's over my heart won't play nice with my head

[Totallyfkdoff]

NC for this.
Married 5 yrs together 8.

I have 2 Teen Dc from previous marriage. Was a single parent for 7 yrs before my current marriage. OH has 2 teen DC who have lived with us on and off not here currently.

Our marriage has had ups and downs but main issue for OH is my DC "behaviour".

They are IMO typical teens. Spend 2 long on devices and social media don't do enough round the house. Messy. Have to be asked over and over again to do things. Lazy etc

But good kids no trouble at school or college. No fights no drugs good group of friends plenty of outside interests play sport play music etc

My OH become extremely controlling only interaction to tell them what to do or bollock them for not doing it. Didn't really have any other side to their relationship.

Came to a head this week he's left but will be back to sort his stuff out.

Head is saying it's the right thing I'm sick of the drama the escalation constantly being referee. The silent treatment the sulking the "I have to deal with them cos you won't" attitude.

My heart is broken as I still love him.

Help me out here please x

It's so hard to parent teenagers even when you've given birth to them and love them more than anything. Can't imagine trying to parent other people's teenagers.

Why don't you live in separate houses?

That would be an option do many people do that and make it work.

I'm at the point where I can't win.

That I'd be letting my kids down who are being treated unfairly by him. Or let him down because I'm not tough enough with my kids - the tidiness etc is a big issue for him but isn't for me.
It frustrates me and I deal with it but he thinks I'm too soft whereas I think he has things out of perspective