Splitting up after 19 years

[NickyNora]

I can't work out how I will do it or when but i can't spend any more years with dp.

I actually feel sorry for him as I'm such a bitch to him but he makes me so angry.

He knows but won't leave.

I somehow need to get a back bone & make the decision.

What made other people leave long term relationships with dc etc?

Watching. I'm in a similar place. Slightly further ahead in that we've had the conversation but we can't quite figure out what the next steps are.

What makes you so angry?

I’m coming to the conclusion that if one half of a relationship is so unhappy and doesn’t want to make an effort (not just a token effort going through the motions but a real effort) then why prolong things and have 2 miserable people.

Its hard to tell from your post though why youre such a bitch to him and what makes you angry can you elaborate?

Not liking and/or loving someone anymore is enough of a reason to end it...

I'm angry because he is lazy. He would say he is making a massive effort. I dont think he is.
We have very different standards regarding the house, dc evetything.

I used to go along with everything he said or did. I thought he could do no wrong.

Now I see what everyone else could see. For years if anyone (family) said he was lazy or penny pinching i woukd defend him.

Example our garden has never been finished. We've lived here 14 years. I paid for & organised the house. He was supposed to organise the garden. The garden is unusable. He cuts it with an industrial strimmer 2 or 3 times all summer.
He spent £1k on a climbing frame. Put it at the bottom of the garden. (200ft from house) but dc can't actually get to it for most of the summer
So I end up doing the garden. And the house and everything he can't be bothered to do.

So it took about 18 years but I've had enough & know it will never change.

If you spend a lot of time speaking in anger he likely won't take anything you say seriously.

Calm, measured, consistent requests for a split will be far more effective than occasional outbursts interspersed between rants about climbing frames or whatever.

@puffyisgood I haven't spoken to Dp about splitting up. We barely talk.
I won't even go in the same room as him if I'm angry, as i don't trust myself

The climbing frame was an example of his mentality. Its a non issue as its so ridiculous