Fancying your OH

[IsItWorthItIDontKnow]

Is it normal after a long time (15+ years) to not fancy your OH but still have those feelings for other people you see?

If your OH is generally a good life partner, and there are no specific problems but you don't have that spark, or fancy them what can you do or is this normal to a certain degree?

I've read that making an effort is required in a long term relationship, but is it worth saving when those feelings have gone especially thinking ahead to when the DCs are gone and it's the two of you left?

Any advice gratefully received!

Only been in one 15+ relationship so can't say what's normal. DH and I have definitely aged but I'm still in love with him. Not sure what you mean by 'making an effort', is that physical appearance or date nights etc, or both? We don't do any of that, I'm 4 stone heavier and don't wear makeup etc, he's going bald and getting a pot belly, however our effort is more in supporting the other. Trying not to fight over the pointless stuff and understanding the others view point. Sometimes you do need to take a deep breath and step back to see why you're having a rough patch I think. However I also don't fancy anyone else physically so don't have that comparison.

That's what I worry about op. Kids take up so much of married life and once they have left home, that is when the relationship is really tested I think.

Depends what you mean by fancy? Do you mean physically attractive as in intimacy etc or more in a "no I don't fancy beans with my egg and chips" way
it's perfectly normal to find other people attractive and sometimes becoming bored (things can get a bit samey or stale after so long through nobody's fault) imo.

As for oh I don't think u stop fancying some1 just because a decade or more has passed (obvs different if there are other things in play) but more that it gets buried by other things.

I went through a period of thinking I didn't fancy my dh anymore (We've been together 13 years) but discovered that actually it was the fact we were so "mummy and daddy" that "wife and husband" had got lost along the way somewhere, but 1 day he was staring at me with this look about him and that feeling in the pit of my stomach came back for the first time in years.

I don't know how old you are OP or what your personal life is like (ie do u get alone time) but there are things you can do to discover the spark again.
Love IS blind, so if you are looking at ur oh and think 'wtf was I thinking' then maybe it's a more deeper issue than physical attraction.
x

The 'making an effort', what I mean is so you don't end up taking each other for granted and living like brother and sister, still making an effort to do the things that happen naturally when you're first together - holding hands, being affectionate etc.

Children obviously have a huge impact, how do you stop yourselves growing apart and realising too late. Reading about people who no longer fancy (physically) their OHs but are attracted to (even fantasise) about other people has got me wondering if they will eventually give in to temptation, and whether if you're living like housemates (no affection etc) it would be better to go separate ways now or whether the attraction/spark can come back.

I think the trick is to stop ignoring eack other and schedule dates together. Pay more attention to each other and talk to each other when you get home from work. On weekends as well. It's very easy to get into the funk and start taking each other for granted and expecting the other person will always be there next to you no matter what. If you don't spend time and attention towards your partner, you may one day get very surprised to find out they have been miserable for the past 10 years and have been trying to give you signs but you never paid any attention and now they are walking out of your life.