I acted a little crazy and I need help moving past my mistakes!

[Mrcoolguy]

Okay so first let me say I met this guy who I was really attracted to. One of the only guys ever I have been attracted to. I do like women as well, however one day I finally approached this guy on Facebook. I asked him if he was into guys he said no at first and then said emailed me back like two weeks later saying yes. So I did this from a fake profile to protect myself and if he wasn’t I didn’t want him to expose me. So we talk for a few days and then we decide to hang out one day and like two days before I told him hey I’m not the guy in the pics. I explained why and asked if he wanted to still hang out. So we did and we got intimate with just oral sex. So after that we texted for like a few days and what not then all of a sudden it just stopped! So I got worried that he was gonna say something so I started reaching out and kind of being annoying. Kept asking did I do something wrong and if he’s not into me! Mind you I’m like 19 at the time and first guy ever I been with. He tells me no I just didn’t feel secure doing what we did at your apartment. I said okay cool we can go somewhere else and do this. So he’s like yeah sure! So we talk that night and then again it stops this time he doesn’t reply at all! So I used an app to see if he was ignoring me. I texted him and he responded! So at this point I’m like okayyyy he blocked me! So I said hey you blocked me? And he said who is this? I told him who and he was like listen man you just not my type! So that struck a nerve with me! So I got mad and said wow well I guess I will expose you! Which I neevr would do but I was very upset at this point! So he blocks me again!! So I’m nervous he is gonna tell on me! Mind you I don’t care about him emotionally it’s just the after math I was scared of. So I made a few fake pages to kind of stalk his page and not like see what he doing but see if he said anything about me! Well after knowing it was me and blocking me I left him alone for about 4 years! Well today at Walmart I see this guy and his boyfriend I’m guessing he is out now. He noticed me and starts talking about me clearly!!!! So I was so humiliated and ashamed! I just want to ask what can I do to get passed this? I know I brought this on myself but how can I be okay with it and move on? Sorry for the long and bad spelling message! I’m just venting!

Just let it go. There's nothing you can do. He felt awkward after your encounter and for his own reasons didn't want to see you again... then you acted badly, and he now has a poor opinion of you - you can't blame him can you? So let him think badly, and from now on, make an effort to be a better person.

How do you move past this? By accepting that was then and this is now. You can not change the past, the best you can hope for is that you’ve grown up and learned from your past poor behaviour.

I should probably go into more detail about what I mean. I mean't how can I forgive myself? I already apologized to him like 3 years ago and he accepted it and we talked it out. So seeing him now do that and talk about me threw me off. So now I want to know how to like live with it if I see it again and see him. Thank you for responding by the way!

I admit I acted badly I just did not understand why the change in his attitude and why all of a sudden one night we are texting all night until like 3 am and then next thing I know he just starts blocking me. So again this being the only guy I talked to really made me paranoid and I was more so scared he would for some reason expose me. Which is how all this trouble started anyway. On top of that didn't even know he had a girlfriend so I was like ohhh okay yeah this is a hot ass mess.

People see people they know/used to know and then tell people they are with "i know them because..." thats nothing unusual and nothing to be worried about. Is your worry still that he will tell other people you know what you both did? It soubds to me like the issue is more around growing up and acceptong your sexuality, whatever that may be, i dont have any advice for that sorry but you cant let converstaions/incidents from years past affect your life now you have to find a way to move on and let go. Its done its in the past it doesnt affect you anymore so dont let it.

Gosh give it a break ... the ship has sailed ...let it be!

I did let it go it’s not about him at all! I don’t care anything about him it’s the information of what we did and him telling other people and making a scene about it. That’s what I’m worried about

Okay your right I will let it go thank you all!

So you see a guy 4years ago and have oral sex once, he then stops contacting you and then blocks you when you become a nuisance.
I don't understand what it is that you are worried about tbh.

Why would he tell someone now when he didn’t tell anyone 4 years ago? I think you’re worrying over nothing. It’s natural for him to have made a few comments to his boyfriend at the time of seeing you, but there’s no reason why he would say something more publicly.

It sounds like you’ve either still not out, or you’re just worried about being embarrassed because you stalked him a little. If it’s the latter, well we all do things like that at 19 and aside from maybe chuckling a little, nobody is really going to care (especially if you’re laughing at your behaviour too). If it’s the former, I can see your worry but as he’s been there too it’s unlikely he’d forcibly “out” you.

“Just let it go” is the best thing to do either way - try forcing yourself to think about other things every time it pops into your mind.

Thank you all for your comments I appreciate them! They helped me even if they were harsh lol Listen again I wanted to say he blocked me after the oral sex like two weeks after. We were still talking like texting. Then it just stopped thats what I was a little upset about and when I asked him what was the issue he got rude so thats when I got rude. I didn't just out the blew start acting crazy. However he did not control my actions so I take full blame. Then he had a girlfriend at the time to so I felt completely like shit after I found out. Yes I am not out yet and that is something I have to deal with on my own time. I do laugh at myself from what happened. I just don't appreciate him telling people and laughing especially when we talked it out.

Your interactions with him, included him and therefore you don’t get to control who he tells just like he doesn’t have a say in you putting on the internet (albeit anonymously).

You’re right, this has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you, which is good news as you can control how you handle this but can’t control how he does.

Thank you all so much! Not gonna lie I feel a lot better! I’m sure I’m gonna run into him again but you are right I can only control myself!