Going NC with friend of 25 years

[Nijinksy]

Sorry for long rant! We have been friends for over 25 years, but I am so upset that I really feel I need to be nc and break off completely. My friend is very straight talking, its always her way or no way and tells it to your face, whilst I am basically quiet, and to be honest have always been too laid back for my own good. I tried to break away a few years ago, but as my friend developed a serious illness I was the one to pick up the pieces and help as much as I could. I work FT, my husband and I have 3 children and elderly parents to look after so it hasn't been easy.
I am always there for her beck and call and drive 100 miles (round trip) to visit her and do household chores, shopping etc. Recently my MIL had a heart attack and I had to ring and cancel my visit (I rang whilst running to the car to get to the hospital). Instead of saying something like 'I am sorry to hear it' - there was silence and then 'my friend' just started ranting 'what am I going to do now?' and the chores I was going to do for her and now couldn't. She just went on and on and I eventually just cut her off.

I rarely get angry, but I was and still am, literally speechless. I cried my eyes out on the way to the hospital. I know my friend is ill (not life threatening) but I couldn't believe her reaction. I did get a text later - to ask how MIL was - but to be honest I didn't respond.

For the first time ever I just don't want to speak to her or visit again - this has happened before (I went on holiday once without telling her) but I know it will be turned around so that it is my fault and I will literally never hear the end of it. Any advice?

Sounds like a no brainer to me. She doesn't seem to be bringing anything positive to your life.

You've made a great start by not responding.

I'm not a huge fan of 'NC'. Just contact her when you feel like it. I.e. the 4th of never.

OP,
So what do you get out of this friendship ?

She doesn't sound like good friend material.

Why on earth do you have to do a 100 mile round trip to do her chores??

One of the many valuable things I've learned on joining mumsnet is NO is a complete sentence and you just keep repeating it. One acronym I really like is CF which I feel is your 'friend'.

Don't understand why you would do that long journey to do her chores op?if she is unable to cope does she have carers?
But,you have an extremely busy life and you must start to put yourself first.She is bringing you nothing(that I read).
Reduce your contact to phone calls or meet up for drinks etc but make it clear,so she has no expectations,that you will no longer be in a position to drive to hers or do any chores.
If she will not accept this then I'd break contact.
You already have so many commitments you don't need any more.
I hope your mil recovers soon and for you

Bless you OP.

This woman is toxic for you. You need someone that nurture you back - i think NC is the best way forward.

How long have you been her servant?

Why have you allowed it?

Thanks everyone - my friend does have carers looking after her - and other friends too...I don't live in the same place anymore hence the long journey back and forth. I think in a way I am to blame for this too as I have never set any boundaries and have always kept quiet if she did upset me. She's always been the same and I have never had the backbone to say No.

I think I have enough on my plate at the moment to deal with her nonsense - so I won't get in contact any time soon.

I would be really angry too, I have had similar happen. Don't make any permenant decisions while you are angry though but certainly don't engage with her for the time being.

If you do decide NC is the way forward then fair enough but if not, I think you need to be less available. The more you do for some people, the more they expect.