Painfully unhappy but terrified of separating

[slantedoor10]

I have been with my DH for 17 years and extremely unhappy for 8. We have two DCs. Although he is totally unloving, to the point where he acts as though I don't exist, I have tried to carry on for the sake of my children. However, now I believe the children are being negatively impacted by the toxicity of the relationship and therefore I need to move on. There is some debate on this: is it worse for kids to live with parents who are unhappy with one another, or have divorced parents?

Problem is I have zero family support and the company I was working for just closed, so currently have no financial stability. I guess I just need a bit of advice as to how to proceed with the separation with so little security. Is it possible? Just this evening he told me that he will never change and if I don't like the way he treats me, then I should move on and find someone else.

I'm so sorry. u need to leave. But perhaps it's best if you find another job & feel a bit more stable for work first. Perhaps not.

Would he agree to go to counselling? Not to stay together but to communicate well & you will have to co parent after this anyway so it should help.

Hello I was in your position and with hindsight I wish I had ended it much sooner. It is a poor example to show your children of relationships.
Financially it is hard, I have returned to work full time so I have not had so much time to devote to the children but child maintenance, child and working tax credits help.im sure the children will be happier with a happy mum!
I feel for you 💐

Sorry-not much advice but until someone else comes along with practical advice hope u have real life support. I'm not sure if women's aid can help or are needed but if you've been v unhappy for 8 years you need to leave.

Don't think about anyone else for now, that's irrelevant. Children are happier with happy parents.

I was in your position 2 years ago. I was incredibly unhappy but so scared to leave as I couldn't see a way of sorting al the practical things out. There were lots of things that made it difficult. I had a young child and no child care, we have no support locally, my ex worked part time to care for our son so couldn't afford a new place, there was nowhere for him to go. My ex left me 2 years ago and I'm so so glad he did as I don't think I would have ever ended it. It took about 3-4 months until he could move out but we eventually got there and I manage. I can't really give any advice regarding financial security as I don't know the ins and outs but wanted to just tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm so so glad it did finally end. My regret is wasting years of my life in that relationship.

Same. About to come out of a similar marriage. Married for 14 years but past 5-7 have been soul-destroying. I’m so excited to be on my own and start a new life again. I can’t bear another day of this marriage.

I'm in a similar position. Together for 17 years, married for 6. I've been really unhappy for about 3-4 years, and I told him 2 years ago I wanted a divorce. He convinced me to give things another go, can't throw everything away, our son would be devastated, promised to change blah blah blah, but he's still the same selfish twat he's always been, in fact he's gotten worse, so now I'm ready to tell him again I want a divorce, no going back this time. My son is just about to take his National 5 exams next month, so I just need to get them out of the way. I dream of life without him everyday.