Very difficult sibling

[Catastropheeee]

Is there a thread for difficult siblings?

I'm worried about starting my own thread in case it is too outing, but would appreciate the support of those dealing with difficult siblings as I am going crazy with mine!!

I have a difficult sibling. If you want you can pm me to keep your privacy. I respect everyone's confidentiality.

I have two.

I don't think you'll be recognised. Tell your story but slightly change some key details.

I keep trying to post but it's hard to explain without giving away too much information.

Basically I think my DSis has emotionally blackmailed my parents out of a large sum of money and when challenged, went into a "I'm depressed, don't put this pressure on my right now" shut down.

(For what's its worth, I do think she's very unhappy at home, and is depressed about it, but I don't feel that excuses taking our DPs money and living out-with her means)

That is something that happened in my life too!
It is awful to think that our parents are targeted by family as well as door knockers, telephone callers and email scammers.
Family members should be trustworthy people when dealing with the vulnerable elderly.
So sorry to hear this and I hope you can get it sorted out asap.

contact Age Concern to get some advice. This will not be the first time they've heard something like this - sadly it is quite common

Another charity is Action on Elderly Abuse. The local SS office should also have a vulnerable person protection team.
Can you talk to your older relatives so they understand that they do not have to give their money to anyone not even a relative.
Maybe think about legal protection and Power of Attorney in favour of trusted younger relative(s)

Are your parents vulnerable or in some way not capable of taking a big financial decision? If yes, you have every right to be angry at your sibling for taking the money despite having this knowledge. If no, that’s a bit different. You might not like that your parents have done this, but it’s their money and they can do whatever they want with it. It sounds like your sibling might have behaved poorly and is possibly a bit entitled and I can see why you might feel a bit sidelined, but how your parents spend their money is not your decision to make.

*Angelfish
*
I'm talking large sums over a period of years. As in upwards of £60K. Pretty much ALL of their pension. DM has no savings now. No back up if something major need done to the house for example.

And, they took out a large loan many years ago to pay off DSis debts. DS took away all the bank statements (deliberately, so I couldn't see them) so I'm in the process of getting copies to check all this out. I don't think DM has any idea of the extent of this.

You really think that's ok?

I have issues with a sibling too.

It's not as bad as some on here but they are deeply unhapoy with where they are in life and have enjoyed spoiling every success, happy occasion and simple joys through bitterness.

The only way I can get by these days is through very low contact.. It's sad because I love my nephew and my mum always wants to play happy families but it is what it is....

My dps ds did this also, no money left at all. Now they've fallen out and made it clear it won't be returned.

Sorry to those who have/are going through similar.

I feel so sad for my poor DF.

DBiL is a financial adviser and about 6 years ago, DDad asked if he could give him some advice on what to do with his money. DDad asked me to pass oven his bank statements/pension statements etc, for DBiL to have a look at. DDad had over £75K in his savings. In the end he didn't do anything with it.

The recent statement shows £6K remaining

And the last few months' bank statements sitting in the 'for filing' pile shown several payments to DSis totalling over £4.5K. Wtf she would need that amount of money for over 3 months I have no idea?!! She was on Facebook just a few weeks ago talking about buying a holiday home! (Even though it's been obvious to DH and I that they seem to be living out with their means)

It should not be assumed that the older people who have money duped from them. There is the fact that the person who tries to take money from older people can be very persuasive or even forceful. Often they use grandchildren to emotionally blackmail the older people. Sometimes the older person makes an offer to give £? but the person wants more money. High pressure is exerted. Then there is the old favourite of you cant see the children since you have not given me money (or goods).

You have no idea how far some desperate people will go or how silly women can be under the influence of a partner. Some of these partners forget that the older person has years more life experience and they get so angry when their demands are refused. The threat of not being able to see the grandchildren is a queer point. These children are being brought up by people who think nothing of demanding money with threats so what will the children be like in later years, perhaps they will be even more demanding.

Op

1. you hadn’t explained all that before, so obviously I didn’t know the details, don’t act like it’s obvious.

2. No I don’t think it’s ok, I already said it sounded like your sibling had behaved poorly, but I still say it’s up to your parents what they do with their money if they’re mentally competent to make those decisions. They don’t need your permission.

If I were you I’d speak to your parents about why you think they shouldn’t lend her anymore money. Speaking to your sister about returning it seems pointless as you’ve said she lives beyond her means so she’s probably spent it all. Ultimately though, it’s not your money and you can’t stop them spending it on her.

OP, what your sister is doing is awful but it is up to your parents and entirely their choice to give her their money.
You haven't mentioned them being vulnerable/mentally incapable of making these decisions so it really is up to them what they do with their money.
It's their mistake to make.

My Dsis did similar (accepting money from our Dad while he was alive) to go on holidays and live outwith her means.
Our DDad died and our Mum has been left in poverty. I support her financially where I can but I do make it very clear that my Dsis has a duty to help now as well.
(She doesn't, of course. And we are NC now.)

His SIL. Fucking ginormous ball ache. She's an evil bullying cunt. Been sat crying most of the day. I hate her.

PrimalLady - What has happened to upset you so much. Is SIL cruel to you, DH or the family members?

*Brazen
*
I am just astounded that she had done this. I can't imagine taking that kind of money from my pensioner parents. I am a grown up and stand on my own 2 feet. It's the attitude she has had all her life. Entitled, spoiled, self-centred... maybe my DDad was happy to give it to her but I suspect it was more of a (subtle) emotional blackmail situation and he felt like he had no choice.

Prima
please feel free to share here if you need to offload and need some support. You sound so sad.