Infatuation/obsession with another man

[NC123334]

Advice please!
Happily married for years with small children, DH is wonderful husband/father and am overall very happy.

We recently moved to a new area and spoke to new neighbours, one guy just didn't stop staring at me despite his wife/DH also being there. He is quite attractive in an older man way and there was a bit of a spark between us in the brief bit of conversation.

Also there is an acquaintance from work I know I am seeing for a meeting in a few weeks.

Both men are happily married with kids and I am too.
They are both fairly attractive but older and not conventionally "good looking".

So why can I not stop thinking about them all the bloody time! Even at night I can't sleep because I am fantasising about one of them coming on to me!

Obviously nothing would ever happen, I wonder if I am having some hormonal problem (came off the pill recently) or if reduced sex life with having young family is catching up with me!

Anyone else had similar? And how do I stop all the obsessive thoughts about them? Feeling guilty whenever I'm with DH even though nothing is happening!

Thanks in advance

I’m exactly the same. Happily married with small children but can’t stop thinking about/ flirting with men left right and centre. I feel like I’m having an early midlife crisis. 🙈 I think I just crave a bit of excitement.

I'm in a similar position... except my marriage isn't great, I crave attention and sex but not with husband. I am fantasising about a man I know nothing about. It's overtaking my mind at times and I don't really know what to do about it. Sorry I can't help but your not alone.

Coming off the pill did this exact thing to me.. after a month or two it settled down (but then I sort of felt flat) someone on here recommended the book 'mating in captivity' which sheds a lot of light onto the world of desire when you're married.. worth a read!

Are you feeling unconfident and the fantasy scenarios bring validation?
Do you work and have an identity outside the domestic sphere?

Or maybe you’re just feeling horny...

Probably coming off the pill - it lowers libido for some women.

Mating in captivity is a very good book and helped me fully understand I feel how 'domesticity' really is a 'passion killer' for many (particularly women). Not sure what the answer is , and I got the underlying gut feeling in the book that in all honesty if you want long term passion, rather than companionship that she felt many people were better off 'separate', which isn't practical for many for all kinds of reasons.

This has happened to me, and I'm on the other side of it now! I was OBSESSED.

You have to re-program your brain, which is tricky, because everytime you are thinking of this chap you are reinforcing your feelings for him. I came close to really damaging my marriage as my thoughts were elsewhere.

So, all these thoughts I was having, I made myself think of my DH in that way. And kept doing it. Now me and DH are having a second honeymoon period.

But, it take a lot of work, time and determination I'm afraid.

This happened to me a few years ago. I became a bit obsessed with a bus driver! I'm laughing about it now as it was so silly- I didn't even speak to him except asking for my fare.

Today I have even done makeup and hair in case neighbour gets back from his holiday and we see him 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm embarrassed for myself!

@Tatiana I do work and have outside friends/hobbies etc.

I think it's hormones, I feel like a teenager!

Did any of you tell your DH?

I fear he will think I want to cheat on him or something (I don't!) - but also I'm way more horny than usual and he will know something is up!

I had exactly the same problem coming off of my coil. My periods started for first time in 8 years. My hormones flew all over. Makung eyes at my other half all the time. Even flirted with colleagues at work. I was ridiculous. It tool ages for the feeling to subside. I wanted sex all of the time. I was crazy. Could barely concentrate at work. (My partner works with me) thank everything it's all stopped now. Back to normal self phew.

Partly solved - saw the work acquaintance today and he was a bit rude to me! Fantasy ruined.