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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Made it out the other side but now I’m unfulfilled

5 replies

BettyBo33 · 07/04/2018 09:49

18 months on from finding out my H was cheating and the pain of what he did has subsided greatly. It’s still very much there but not in the way it hurt at the beginning. Last year was hell, spent going through the motions and battling through the rollercoaster of emotions. This year started well but I cant shake the feeling of being unfulfilled. I have 3 gorgeous DC, a nice home and a job I enjoy. But what I had for H has gone. He broke my heart so badly. I love and care for him but I’m swinging between those feelings and keeping our family together and then googling separation and thinking about what I’d do if I was on my own...like holidays I’d take and the dog we’d get (H doesn’t want one) I feel like I’m at a crossroads and have no idea what to do or how to feel. H and I bicker lots. He has changed hugely and our relationship is hard work, but then it always was, I just went with it. If we weren’t together I’ve no interest in finding someone else (at least not now) I literally swing between plans for us together as a family (extend our house, another baby) and then without him (the dog being a big one haha!) but I come back round to the fact that life is not black and white, marriage is not a walk in the park..could this be a phase? A knock on effect from the stress of the last couple of years?

Has anyone been in this limbo?

OP posts:
Waterlemon · 07/04/2018 09:59

Have you actually made it out the other side?

It’s been 18months, do you still want to be in this situation in another 18 months time? 18 years time?

What has DH done/what does he do, towards making your relationship work and move it forwards?

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 07/04/2018 14:02

It doesn't actually sound like you have made it out to the other side tbh.
You seem in limbo. Ok, you're not in pain anymore over the cheating but what has he done to get things back on track? He should be bending over backwards to win your trust etc. If you are only staying for the kids then don't expect to ever be happy with your DH. If you still bicker a lot the kids are going to pick up on the negative atmosphere. Far better to go it alone, get your dog and be happy in yourself. Sure it would be hard at first but far better in the long run for you all. Flowers

Bumshkawahwah · 07/04/2018 19:01

I’m on the same timeline as you, more or less. There are days where I feel really quite normal and things are going well and times where it all hits me in the face again and I wonder if I shouldn’t just have left when I find out.

All I can say is take your time. It’s certainly all I can do. 18 months isn’t a long time to get used to a new reality. Don’t have another baby!

iheartmichellemallon · 07/04/2018 19:04

18 months isn't long but at the same time life is short & before you know it, 18 years will have passed. Don't waste your life being unhappy. Good luck Op. hope you find peace.

Bumshkawahwah · 07/04/2018 19:08

I meant to add, I currently feel very discontented. Not unhappy (well,not most of the time), but dissatisfied with my life. I have a pretty good life, but trying to be grateful for what I have isn’t taking the away this feeling if discontentment abd I feel selfish and ungrateful for even feeling this way.

I do feel like something needs to change - until i’d read your post I hadn’t thought that it might be related to the stress of the last year and a half. That’s food for thought.

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