Relationship with parents

[Deedee92]

I'm having a bit of a tough time regarding my parents.
I've moved to England about 6 years ago, leaving my parents and my older sister at home... I had a tough childhood -not awful I don't want to complain but I feel like it was tough. My parents marriage was never happy. I can't remember them being happy or happy family gatherings or holidays. My dad was always at work and my mum had always ALWAYS something wrong with us. Not a happy memory I could recall... no birthdays celebrated. I also never felt like my parents cared about my education or my well being (I can't speak for my sister ) I never really had any friends and got bullied a lot at school and my parents never did anything so I just grew up without friends, as long as I can remember feeling lonely... so as I mentioned I have been living in the U.K. For 6 years now. My sister moved to the USA about 4-5 years ago. This has completely broke my mum. She'd call us and blame us for leaving her alone... I used to go home 3 times a year and call my parents almost every night but was never enough for my mum. My sister hasn't been home since she moved... we went to visit her once but it was an absolute nightmare as my parents wanted to convince my sister to move home. Basically my mum just upset about the fact she can't control me/is anymore. She'd blame me for literally anything... she would call me and shout and they'll me how shit I am and how good other people s kids are, visiting them and giving them grandchildren (right?! I know!) I miss having a family, my sister cut us off and haven't spoken to her since December and my mum doesn't call me unless I call her ! And then even if I call she is being sarcastic and provocative... it's just getting a bit too hard for me and I'm constantly upset and I can't cope any longer. I have a boyfriend been together for 3 years and our relationship has been up and down but I don't know for sure how we are. I think he cares but he doesn't really comfort me when I need it and I literally just feel like I am alone and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel I can count on him sometimes I feel I can not. I can't talk to my sister,my dad has never really cared about anything and I can't speak to him, my mum is not willing to work on it and just wants to hurt me and I don't have any friends I could tell these stuff. I'm alone and don't know what to do

You need to read up on fear and obligation and you need to realise too, that its time to break the ties that bind you to what is, from your graphic description of your family, a seriously toxic and interdependent relationship.
You are not responsible for other peoples happiness. Repeat that to yourself every waking minute of every day. You are, however, responsible for your own happiness and wellbeing. The sooner you realise that its ok to be a bit selfish about your needs, aspirations and future goals, the sooner you'll accept that while you can't change other people.....you can change the way you interact and deal with them.

Your parents are blaming you for things you are not responsible for. They sound very difficult. I second pallas's advice.

I know, but they are my parents. I just want to have a good relationship with them. That's all, I don't care what happened before I'm happy to let go of all the bad memories. It's just I don't know how or what to do... I haven't spoken to my parents since Monday. No text nothing and it hurts

They are your parents, but aren't treating you like good parents should.

You can only have a good relationship with them if they treat you with kindness and respect.

Do you know the Captain Awkward blog? If not, go and find it and read as many of the blog posts as you can. She's really good at working out what's ok and what's not, and how to resolve issues appropriately.

Thanks OnTheRise, I'll check it out! I really want to find a solution but I just can't do it on my own. I understand them to a point as well, it can't be easy to have both of your daughters living abroad.