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Being targeted by someone at work. WWYD?

8 replies

ginntoniciv · 06/04/2018 21:47

I work in a company where I’ve just started a new role in development. The company up until now has been very old fashioned, with an old website, no social media etc. I’ve been brought in to transform all of this, get it within the industry guidelines, including new systems and new ways of communicating with the public and bringing it into the 21st century.

There is an “old guard” at the company
who have made it clear they are resistant to any change, despite seemingly going along with my recruitment for the purposes I said above. There are also many great people there who have been helpful and keen to move things forward.

I am receiving a lot of hostility from one man in particular (he is 71) and he is a joint head of the company along with two other people. The hostility has taken the form of:

Seemingly becoming unreasonably impatient for changes to be made (eg expecting a new website to be online within a week of me starting the new role, sending emails to me cc-ing in everyone who works there saying they expected things to be faster.) Telling me to “just get something online and fix the niggles later,” then when I did produce a new website in record time (2 weeks from starting new job) complaining about the niggles over email and again cc-ing in everyone at the company . It later transpired that one of his sons who is an amateur website developer, made the original website, and his nose was put out of joint when others at the company suggested there should be a new one created.

Scheduling meetings “about” me which come up on my schedule too featuring various and changing people in the company but always excluding me and leaving me alone in the office when they occur.

He usually goes around some schools and universities talking about the company to young people. He became ill before one of his engagements and I offered to fill in for him as others at the company said they did not enjoy public speaking. It went well and I got good feedback from the school, but he did not seem to like this, was very dismissive of it and has turned more against me since this.

If I send an email to our department asking what others think about certain plans for the company, and everybody has a group discussion, he will not reply to the group email and email me separately being quite rude and dismissive of my idea, and also takes me aside individually after group meetings which have been constructive, to undo or overrule any permissions I’ve been granted for change or progress.

He once made me apologise to him in front of a group of ten people for something that was not clear. I still don’t know what it was, but apparently it was something to do with somebody not able to access the website during the time that the new one was being uploaded and the old one was down (a normal process that I had warned everyone about.) Apparently it caused him a lot of embarrassment.

withholding passwords, information and contacts for certain processes that I need to complete

He regularly sends emails to everyone who works there saying he is unhappy with how things are changing but not being clear about why. Then at the end he suggests that if anybody “wants him out” they “just have to say.”

It’s clear to me that he is worried about losing control of things. He feels threatened. He has been there a long time. I can understand this.
I think I have gone above and beyond in being sensitive towards this (I know it may not seem like this with the stepping in for his role when he was ill) but I think I was damned from the start because he simply does not want it to change.

The other people I’ve spoken about this to, including the other heads of the company are open about calling him difficult and making it clear he’s in the wrong, and say they want him out but he’s been there so long they don’t want to have to resort to anything undignified for him. I can understand this too. I have approached them about this a few times and they have just reiterated how grateful they are, how I just need to carry on doing what i am doing. And I feel embarrassed continually running to them with the attitude of “now he’s done this...”

But it’s very hard going into work every day knowing that such hostility exists, that he is in a position of power over me and that he will twist anything positive I do into something negative.

WWYD?

OP posts:
GardenGeek · 06/04/2018 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GardenGeek · 06/04/2018 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gide · 06/04/2018 22:01

Is he your boss? Do you have an overall manager? If so, I think it’s an idea to go to the manager and reiterate what you’ve said here.

Whilst he may simply be trying to mark his territory by pissing around the perimeter, he’s undermining you and slowing the much needed progress into the 21st century, so sabotaging the company as a whole. Bit stupid that he can’t see the bigger picture and is threatened by you.

TM71 · 07/04/2018 06:58

Always ensure your communication with him is witnessed and if his email keep them.

Personally I would discuss it with HR and have a sit down with him with them where your grievances are taken more of. Make sure it is documented and if nothing changes get a solicitor involves or go and see your union.

Angelf1sh · 07/04/2018 07:04

I agree with making sure all communications are witnessed by someone trustworthy or better still written down, and kept to a minimum. Other than that, I’d just get on with your job and ignore him. If everyone knows he’s a dick then nobody will believe you’re in the wrong when he does these things.

tribpot · 07/04/2018 07:32

I would keep a log of each incident of workplace bullying, which is what this is, and make sure the other heads of the company are regularly (perhaps monthly) informed about the issue. Then take a view after six months.

It seems pretty clear that his beef is actually with his co-owners, his passive aggressive emails about 'if anyone wants me out they've just got to say so' was obviously for their benefit. It seems as if they do want him out but haven't got the balls to say so, so they want to conduct a cold war with you as collateral damage if need be.

The biggest problem I think is this: takes me aside individually after group meetings which have been constructive, to undo or overrule any permissions I’ve been granted for change or progress.

Who actually has authority over the work you're doing? It sounds as if you report into the company's owners, but you can't report in to three people. You need to have a clear line of authority otherwise you will be constantly changing things at the behest of one person or another. If this happens regularly, I'd be asking the other co-owners (in writing) to confirm you should go ahead with what was agreed in the meeting and not the counter-instruction which came after it. If they're unwilling to do that, I think you need to consider whether the position is sustainable.

RiotAndAlarum · 07/04/2018 07:41

Does this company actually deserve you? If you can find another job, you should leave them to this man. Let him wreck their company, as long as he's no longer wrecking you. Seriously, how dare they go along with all this bullshit which makes your job impossible, and then tell you to put up with it. Bollocks to his dignity. What about yours? He's not even "just" bullying you; he's witholding passwords from you? That ought to be a disciplinary offence. Instead, they're letting him - only one of three directors - treat you like this.

I bet they're even hoping you will help get rid of him, but that isn't what you signed up for, and, having exposed you to this man's bullying, they don't deserve that service from you.

DorynownotFloundering · 07/04/2018 07:51

Absolutely not your problem to sort out but theirs. The other co-owner are being lazy and buck passing by ignoring the problem & leaving you to deal with what is essentially a management problem.

I would ask for a meeting with all the owners & ask them to clarify their aims for your role, as you are confused ( even though you aren't clearly) as to their expectations.

Get the difficult one to air his grievances and emphasise you need to have the backing of all of them to work effectively & you need to make sure you are all on the same page.

If he agrees then resorts to bullying again, remind him of the conversation .

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